Building a lolita wardrobe from thrifted clothes

At first glance, lolita fashion can seem like something impossible to pull off with only locally-bought* clothes, especially if there you aren't part of a lolita comm. However, after enough hoarding I'm able to put together coordinates that are almost entirely thrifted (with the exception of my petticoat and bloomers, which were bought new from Malco Modes and American Apparel, respectively, and my socks and tights.) In addition to being suitable for lolita, these clothes also accomodate my preference for appearing flat-chested (which is not at all related to lolita, by the way--I just don't like my chest. And I've been able to make that work largely because I'm small enough to fit into childrens' clothes, so if you're bigger than that a lot of what has worked for me probably won't work for you -__-;.)

Skirts are somewhat few and far between, but they're out there, especially if you're looking for A-line skirts. Black square dance skirts like the one pictured to the right can also work well. The same applies to dresses, although finding a dress with a decent neckline can be difficult. Loliable skirts are much easier to find, especially in my case since I prefer to appear flat-chested, which doesn't work so well when you've got a garment that's made for people with noticeable breasts.

Blouses are a bit easier to find when you don't have my above-mentioned problem with darts (I've heard of flat-chested people just wearing things tailored for people with curves and boobs, but even if it's just a tiny extra flap of fabric I will notice it and it will bug me.) I've found two things to look for in blouses to accomodate this. 

The first only works if you also happen to be some degree of tiny--I check the children's section for cutesy blouses and jumpers, which sometimes fit me and are usually made with the assumption that the target wearers do not have sizeable (if any) breasts. The same also applies to the smallest sizes in adult clothes (like the grey blouse on the left)--some manufacturers apparently assume XS = no curves, and so there are no darts to create the annoying fabric flaps that annoy me so much (I'm sure this practice annoys the hell out of curvier tiny people, though -__-).

The other option (which I'm guessing could work well for larger people) is blouses that have fabric gathered in the shoulders (top right) or at the chest (bottom right). 

Most of the blouses I've found do not look all that good by themselves--they need to be tucked in at minimum, and preferably also be covered up by a vest, blazer (like in the first photo), or jumperskirt. I look for nice, high collars and sleeves with a slight poof to them in particular. Sometimes you can make regular dress shirts work if they have stripes or some other interesting/loliable feature (like the shirt in the first picture.) A blazer will be the easiest thing you can find to accomplish this, although it also hides any poof at the shoulders (or lack thereof, which can be a good thing). I have yet to find a nice vest without darts in the chest (though if I ever do find one I'm sure it will come from the boys' section), and you're also unlikely to find anything that can be worn as a jumperskirt without darts in it (if you did, it would probably be in the girls' section.)

Shoes are one of the easiest things to find if you can make chunky black heels, black knee boots, and mary janes work. Shoes in colors besides black (or maybe white or red, if you're lucky) and platform shoes (especially in any color but black) can be difficult.

Accessories like jewelry, scarves, gloves and hats (if you're willing to check vintage stores and are okay with more of a classic/50s vibe) are probably the easiest thing you can find. I always check the jewelry section at thrift stores. This can also be a good fall-back if you can't dress in full lolita but still want to incorporate something cute or elegant into your outfits.

Outerwear in the form of coats and sometimes blazers (if that's your thing--I love my black velvet blazer to pieces) is also easier to find, especially in black. Just be careful that it doesn't look too plain (look for unusual/luxurious fabric or cute details) and it won't squish your skirt (or look awkward with it). I'm picky about this because of the dart problem, but I think those tend to be less noticeable in coats, and sometimes you find something that doesn't have them, too.

As I wrote this, I was reminded that gothic lolita is probably the easiest substyle to thrift because of how popular and flexible black things are (and you can get a spooky vibe from accessories alone as long as your garments don't distract from them), followed by classic lolita (especially if you check vintage stores and are okay with wearing outfits that use black as a main color). Sweet lolita is probably a bit harder (white with pink accents and tons of accessories might be the easiest way to go about it. Pastel secretary blouses from the '80s can probably work okay for this, but watch out for the fabric quality.)

There's also a slim chance that you will find garments actually intended for lolita (this happened to me once with an In the Starlight skirt, and I've heard of at least one lolita bringing offbrand or indie garments that won't resell for much to thrift stores.) Halloween can be one of the best times of the year to look because a lot of thrift stores will pull out all the clothes that they think would otherwise be too weird to sell and stick them in the costume section even if they weren't originally intended as costume pieces (this is how I found that In the Starlight skirt.)

If you have any tricks or experiences with building lolita coords from thrift store goods, I'd love to hear about them in the comments =].

*And by locally I mean within the United States. Specifically, the midwest.

Morbid Curiousity

"'I want to see true form of the world, with my very own eyes―'

Shion bit his lip. No, he almost said out loud. It didn't feel right. It wasn't that he had lied... But he had decorated his words. Regret and resignation about the past weren't the only things that lay behind the reason for his wanting to know the truth.

Curiosity. No, it wasn't such a casual feeling; it was a deep-rooted desire. It roved in circles deep inside his chest. It was intrigue towards a world his imagination could not render. Interest in the unknown."

--Atsuko Asano (No. 6 vol. 6 p. 37)

Shion's morbid curiosity comes up fairly often throughout No. 6, but this seems to be the scene where he's most conscious of it (the quote, not the screencap). It's nice to see it elaborated on in the novels because I think I know the feeling, and it pervades my sense of humor as well as my interest. In fact, his intense interest in what his imagination cannot "render" seems like something that's probably pretty common among people as privileged as him. Since many stories that deal with poverty and oppression as closely as No. 6 seem to cater to this curiousity without examining it, Shion's insight in this scene (and Rat's reactions to Shion's curiousity throughout the series) is particularly refreshing.

When I say "morbid", I almost always mean it self-deprecatingly--I don't think my interest in things like decay and the dead that distress people (especially once they actually have to deal with it in their own life--I've never had to look at the wreckage of a building I used to use or lost anyone I was particularly attached to) are actually detrimental to my health or anyone else's. But I feel the need to call myself "morbid" or "warped" out of a sense of propriety--to acknowledge that other people find the things that amuse or interest me distressing, often for good reason.

Sometimes my curiousity is fueled by a sense of obligation to know about things--especially things that may have happened far away from me but that my actions could be affected by, such as slaughterhouses and working conditions in overseas manufacturing plants, or even things like the holocaust ("never again" and all that--not that I have much faith in my ability to make a difference, and to be frank whenever I think of what I've heard about conditions in North Korean prison camps this sentiment rings a bit false to me even though the situation in North Korea isn't the same as the situation with Germany in the '30s and '40s. At any rate, I'm not entirely sure how much actual resistance I'd put up in a situation like this. My first instinct is basically "run away".)

But other times I tend to romanticize things in a way that feels pretty inappropriate in the face of the pain other people have gone through because of poverty or death or mental/emotional instability. Part of the appeal probably comes from the freedom from wage slavery that homelessness (or even prostitution, though that's not something I'd choose at this point even if I wouldn't fault other people for doing so) comes with. There's a sense of adventure to it as well (dunno if I'd still get that sense after actually experiencing it, though--I'm sure most homeless people don't.)

Romanticizing things also seems to help me avoid being afraid of them, and although fear can be a useful instinct, I have no use for it myself--I feel that anything that could genuinely hurt me is something I have no control over, so there's no point clouding my thoughts with fear of it. And most things that actually make me afraid are things that I'm better off being able to clearly think through. So I cover myself in raggedy, spooky clothes and gawk at dying buildings and write stories about people lost in grief and insecurity. And it makes me more content than I would be otherwise.

In No. 6, Shion mostly takes the reality Rat shows him pretty well. Sure, he stumbles from time to time, but he survives and manages to stay "human" (with some blips--haven't quite finished the novels as of this post, but I'm guessing something similar to what happens in episode 10 of the anime happens at some point). I can't help but wonder how I would compare if I were to choose homelessness in this world. I wouldn't have a guide like Shion, but I can see more of that world from my current privileged position than Shion could and make a more informed choice than he did. And there's much more overlap between the two worlds in my situation. But even so.

Multi-Purpose Cosplay

When I cosplay, one thing that influences which characters I pick is what they wear and whether I can incorporate parts of it into my regular wardrobe, saving me both money and space. That might make it seem like it would make the cosplays less special, but I find that only wearing one piece at a time plus the fact that I always wear a wig and make-up in cosplay and rarely do so otherwise makes this work pretty well for me. Here's how I look at the various components of a given cosplay in more detail:

Shoes

Minor detail, right? Some people just wear their sneakers with cosplay, depending on the character. Actually, the feet are a detail that can be easy to overlook or ignore when you're watching or reading something (how often are their feet even included in the picture?), and for some characters as long as you have some sort of black shoe that goes with the rest of their outfit it doesn't matter if it's spot-on (my shoes from high school marching band have come in handy for these characters.) Even if you do pay attention to the subtler details, it's not hard to find characters who wear such basic shoes that you might already own a pair that works. But if you do pick a character with unusual shoes, it helps when you really like the shoes. I ordered these platform boots to cosplay Misa from Death Note, but they became a wardrobe staple for me for years afterward (now that the zipper on one of them has broken a second time, I'll be getting rid of them since replacing it would cost almost as much as the shoes themselves -__-). And I only cosplayed Misa for one convention before getting sick of her.

Garments, Wigs, Hats

I'm including them all in one category because whether it's outerwear, pants, or anything else, how well it fits with what I usually wear is an equally weighty factor. Part of the reason I'm cosplaying Mello from Death Note right now is because of his pants and vest (I plan on wearing the pants often, but I just made them so I haven't worn them outside a con yet. I also made an outfit for Pride with the vest once--it works well with a skirt.) I also still have the blue shirt from my Misa cosplay and am planning to cover it in patches at some point. Part of why I'm considering Rat from No. 6 even though I haven't finished Mello yet (still planning on making his jacket from when he retrieved his photo from Near) and I've been wanting to cosplay Badou from Dogs: Bullets and Carnage for awhile is Rat's black motorcycle jacket, which doesn't necessarily fill a gap in my wardrobe but is pretty versatile and would fit in well (unlike Badou's overalls or green coat.)

The other consideration is similar, but it's focused on using what you have instead of carefully acquiring new garments. I already had a black tank top and miniskirt when I cosplayed Misa, and I have a pair of workboots that would probably work for Rat (although I need to find a reference and double-check.) The wig I use for Mello was originally my Misa wig, and between those two I also used it in my attempt at Edward Elric.

Jewelry

I don't have the equipment or skill to make decent jewelry and some of the attempts I've seen at making small metal things out of foam or clay or other non-metal materials kind of bug me (nothing against people who do that, though--just a personal preference for my own cosplays), so I prefer to avoid characters with unique jewelry (unless their series is popular enough for there to be replicas up for sale) and go for characters that wear things that I could conceivably find/would wear. I only got to half of that with Mello--I think his crucifixes are really tacky, especially the rosary as a necklace--it's pretty, but at the same time that's not what it's for and I wasn't even raised Catholic, so I feel awkward wearing an actual rosary even though I do it for Mello. But (aside from the money clip), everything was pretty easy to find (the belt buckle was a bit of a challenge, though.)

Props

Not really a wardrobe piece, but the same principles still apply. Part of what I like about Mello is using chocolate as my prop since it gives me something to eat throughout the day as well (and when you like dark chocolate as much as me you can get the super dark kind that apparently fills 30 percent of the RDA for iron 8D.) I also kind of want to get a skull like he's holding in one picture because I totally wouldn't mind having one of those sitting around my room all the time.

LEARN ALL THE WORDS D8

Or don't.

(Context: This train of thought was brought about by a talk about how intimidating and confusing the queer lexicon is given at a panel on personhood and identity by a straight cisgender woman whose name escapes me and who very likely has no idea this post exists so I guess it doesn't matter all that much.)

I've heard (at least presumably straight/cisgender in the instances where they don't disclose their gender identity and sexual orientation) people express frustration and confusion about the vast queer lexicon that's been building up at a more rapid pace than ever over the past couple decades enough times to make me want to actually process my reaction to their frustration in writing, so here goes. It doesn't matter if the queer lexicon intimidates straight/cisgender people because the lexicon is a tool for queer people to figure out who they are. We understand ourselves and our world in words, and when there are no words for something that is an essential part of yourself, it can be extremely disorienting and result in feelings of living as someone you're not, not belonging, or in my case confusion regarding other people's identities (as a child I warped my internal definition of what the gender binary was to make it fit myself because I didn't know nonbinary genders were possibilities, which meant I was misunderstanding something relatively small but nonetheless important about the people around me until I was sixteen or so.)

However, the feeling of being intimidated is still a good sign because it shows that the people who feel intimidated care about the queer people in their lives enough to want to understand them (as mentioned by another panelist at the above-mentioned panel.) Because words are normally consciously used for communicating to other people and you don't notice their value in your own thought processes until you find some crucial word you've has been missing to describe yourself for your entire life up to that point and you realize that you're not just "weird" or bad at being straight/male or female, it's easy to develop the misconception that you're expected to know all these words (and probably easy for people who've just found their miracle word to expect that everyone else will learn it, too.) But I think giving enough of a shit to look up a word (or, for the more courageous, ask) is enough. It shows that you care about us as people enough to want to know about our sexual orientations, which is all that really matters for people you aren't sexually or romantically attracted to. The same can be said for gender--while it's nice when people understand what I mean by "nonbinary" or "gender neutral" (and kind of annoying when they seem completely unable to wrap their heads around it, if I'm being totally honest--it's really pretty simple, at least in my case), as long as you don't use the wrong pronouns, you've done what you need to do to convince me that you care about who I am. (And yes, I do mean NOT using the WRONG set of pronouns--I obviously can't speak for all trans people here, but although I prefer singular "they," as long as you avoid "she/her" and "it," I'll probably be okay with whatever other pronoun set you come up with, including "he/him/his" since it wasn't used in a way that hindered my understanding of myself when I was a kid like "she/her" and it's not used as a dehumanizing insult like "it." I don't believe I'm the only one who feels this way about pronouns.)

When prompted to talk about consent, the panelist brought up the lack of consent to the queer lexicon on the part of straight, cisgender people. To me, that indicated a crucial lack of understanding of the importance of the queer lexicon. We don't need consent from straight people to develop ways to talk about ourselves, especially considering that we only need a lexicon because the very things we're defining are things that we've been oppressed and alienated for by the heteronormative society we all live in. If that had never been a problem, then these aspects of our identity wouldn't need to be defined to such a specific degree because they wouldn't be significant enough to cause us so much angst in the first place. The lexicon is made to counteract an aspect of the violence perpetrated against people by heteronormative society--it gives us power to understand ourselves objectively instead of by how we measure up to a narrow idea of "normal."* Privilege by nature makes this an unlikely insight for most straight, cisgender people to come up with by themselves, so it's understandable that they feel intimidated even as they care about their queer friends and family. But the sooner they recognize the lexicon's real purpose, the closer we will be to a society where no one needs to learn all these words because the things these words are defining will no longer incite so much violence and angst, and we will be able to accept the existance of all genders (or lack** thereof in some people's cases) without batting an eye and see less common sexual orientations as mere tendencies and preferences instead of the world-shaking, identity-influencing social factors they are today.

*(And I was sooooo glad that another panelist brought that up because I couldn't think of a way to put that into a question o__o;.)

**Ugh. I can't find a word for this with a neutral connotation. More linguistic limits to beat back, I guess.

Why lolita?

An interesting thing I've noticed about the way some people do lolita is that it's not just an escape into a prettier world, but actively rejecting the stark ugliness they see around them. They know they're not real princesses or dolls or vampires or whatever look they're going for, but they will cover up everything they can in their lives with something prettier if it doesn't measure up. Not that none of them enjoy any escapism of any kind (I suspect most people do), but lolita seems to be more about actually doing something about your surroundings--even if it only reaches as far out as your clothes, and only so often.

Or maybe this is just what I like about lolita and I'm projecting it onto other people who enjoy the style. At any rate, it's got me thinking about what it is about lolita that appeals to me and what kind of lolita substyles I actually enjoy wearing, and I'm finding that the approaches that make me happiest usually make me feel like some sort of aristocratic monster. Not an actual aristocrat with tons of money and a title, but something that looks like one. Something uncanny that doesn't age, or at least pretends they don't. Possibly something with sharp teeth. Monsters survive everything and do whatever the hell they feel like, and I suspect that's part of the appeal of dressing like one for me.

Tradgoth and punk elements hold a similar appeal while reflecting the actual context of my life better than lolita since punk is basically rejecting the standards of industrial society and it tends to look better if your clothes are ripped and worn. It's also just more practical on a daily basis of course (in terms of cost and ability to move/fit through tighter spaces.) But at the same time, the more practical, the less monster confidence boost I get from an outfit. Modern vampire characters like Zillah from Lost Souls seem like a good balance--he doesn't exactly run around dressed in frills, but he still finds ways to express himself in his appearance that remain practical enough for him while still being distinct and unsettling. (Are those of you who know who I'm talking about giggling hysterically at my treatment of Zillah as any kind of role model yet? XD)

Although personalizing one's surroundings can be really empowering, I find that it can also be a bit tiring for me because I will never be able to make everything perfect. Instead, I've started to try and selectively fit my surroundings into my style and blend the two. Which can also be frustratingly difficult, but it feels a little more do-able even if I haven't quite found the right balance yet.

Adjustments II

Three or four years ago, I got three new pairs of cords (actually new, not just new to me). They have not only lost a lot of their fuzz by now, but two of the three pairs are developing holes. I'd been thinking it might be time to get rid of them soon, but then I remembered the tin full of safety pins I have sitting around (and that I enjoy garments riddled with safety pins but haven't worn them as much as I used to.) Awkward vertical knee hole fixed.

As for the holes in the inner upper thighs, I'm thinking I'll patch them from the inside in contrasting denim (I've been planning to find a used pair of jeans to cut up into fabric for patches anyway) so I'll have the coverage a pair of pants should while still showing the pretty fraying threads.

Since the last adjustments post, I've also been planning on patching up my black back pack with the gross logos on it and the oversized blue-and-white striped shirt that was originally part of my Misa cosplay, but right now any money I can save is going toward my Mello cosplay so I can have it ready for con season (which starts with Anime Detour for me >__>). Once I can afford it, I plan to buy/make a bunch of patches. I still need to buy materials for the ones I plan to make, but I've located a couple pictures online to make stencils out of, at least (the wings/heart logo from Elisabeth promo stuff and the Decemberunderground circle of rabbits.)

Bored?

 

Basil watched Death's face shrivel and burn. He'd mistaken it for Eric Draven's at first. The warmth

was pleasant, but his stomach was turning as he watched his library go up in smoke. Well, they

weren't entertaining. He'd loved them once, but that morning he realized that he hadn't picked up any 

book off that shelf in three years. 

 

He could smell the linoleum in the kitchen melting, but he didn't care. At least, not at that moment. 

"Maybe now it'll finally warm up," Ezra murmured, squatting at the edge of the flaming pile of books 

and leaning in closer than Basil dared.

"What is this, some sort of reverse rain dance?"

"Something like that," Ezra said.

"My landlady's gonna be so pissed."

"So leave before she finds out."

"And go where, exactly?"

Ezra shrugged. "Up to you, really."

Basil tossed a crumpled piece of waxed paper from a sandwich onto the pile. He wondered when it 

would spread enough to burn the rest of the apartment. Or would it burn through the floor first? "You 

say that so casually. Like there's even anywhere for me to go."

Ezra rolled his eyes and looked up at Basil. "You have worlds at the soles of your pretty pink Docs. 

Pick one."

Basil snorted. "There you go again."

Ezra smirked and looked back at the fire. "Well, you do."

"Like where?"

"Like... anywhere. You just have to stop dismissing everything as nonviable."

"Excuse me for not wanting to be a gutter punk."

"Do I look like a gutter punk to you?" Ezra was smiling up at him again.

"You--I don't even know what you look like."

Ezra looked back at the fire again. "Sure you do."

"Not like it matters. I can't go tagging along with you."

"Damn straight you can't. We maybe oughta put this out if we don't want it to do even more damage."

Basil dumped the bucket of water sitting on the counter onto the pile without bothering to aim 

around Ezra, who flopped backward and managed to only get his shoes wet.

"I don't really have to leave here, do I? I mean, I can live with a blackened kitchen floor and a ticked 

off landlady."

"No you can't," Ezra said automatically as he lit a cigarette.

"Same difference, I guess."

*

"BASIL!"

Basil wondered how long it would take her to notice the bathroom. He'd hoped maybe she would like 

it, but deep down he knew she'd take it the wrong way.

He'd been awake for the past four hours since he finished painting it. He'd meant to sleep, but he was 

too amped up anticipating her reaction. Up you get.

He forced himself to sit up on the couch and roll into a standing position in one fluid motion--no one 

was there to see, but it amused him anyway.

"Basil, what the hell is this?"

"A painting."

His friend's mouth flattened and eyes narrowed. "No shit, Sherlock. Why is it on my bathroom wall?"

Basil shrugged. He had no excuse and did not feel like he needed one even though he knew people 

usually pretended like they wanted one when he did things like this.

"What is this even supposed to be?"

At first Basil had been thinking of the splatter his body would make on the sidewalk if he were to 

jump off Sarah's balcony, but once he'd started painting he couldn't stop thinking of his comics that 

time he set them all on fire. It had turned out a bit too orange and misshapen to look like a bloody 

corpse in the end. Basil figured that was probably a good thing.

"Art?"

"Fuck your art. Are you going to clean this up?"

"Nope."

Sarah's lips were trembling. So was the rest of her. Basil couldn't help but be drawn to the bags 

around her bloodshot eyes. He wanted to paint them. He wasn't sure if painting the image of them on 

something else or putting paint on them would be more satisfying.

"Basil, get out."

"Okay." There were worlds at the soles of his pretty pink Docs, but he didn't like any of them. Or at 

least, he didn't like them from the inside. They always seemed so appealing from the outside. 

*

 "HEY!"

Basil looked over his shoulder. He didn't know the person who was shouting at him, so he just turned 

around and continued contemplating the Mississippi.

"Look, man, I don't know what your life is life, but don't just throw it all away--"

Basil giggled when he realized what it looked like he was doing. Just a few inches made so much 

difference. Well, it wasn't the inches, he supposed. The difference was there were two sides of the 

guard rails on this bridge, and he was standing on the wrong side of them even if his hands were 

hanging onto the right side.

"Dude, what is wrong with you? Are you high?"

Basil had just begun to quit giggling when the man said something even funnier, so he had to start 

laughing. He saw the man's hand cautiously moving toward his arm and thought of a self-defense 

move his older brother had taught him when they were kids. There wasn't really a lot of momentum 

for Basil to take advantage of in this case, but he figured he was strong enough to make up for that so 

he single-handedly yanked the man over the rail by his wrist and sent him plunging.

Never made an impact like that before. He was replaying the death scream of his victim in his head 

even though he hadn't really listened very hard the first time. Then he realized this is shit. All of this 

is garbage. I don't even know if I feel better or worse after writing this. It does seem to reflect my 

mood at the moment pretty well, though.

The Wind Rises

It doesn't matter what era you were born into. It simply doesn't. Even if it's supposed to be more or less comfortable or safe than other eras, it's not like you actually lived in those eras, so who are you to try and compare them or decide you'd rather live in one than the other? "It's all the same fucking day."

This has been brewing in my mind for awhile, but I feel like seeing The Wind Rises today really solidified that idea for me. It was a beautiful movie (as one would expect from the illustrious Studio Ghibli, of course), but what I found most striking was the way Jiro didn't let the circumstances he was born into dictate stop him from chasing his dreams. He worked with what he had even if it was often less than ideal and never gave up, and it wasn't even in the obnoxiously preachy way a lot of hero-type protagonists do it because he never considered giving up. There was no scene where the film made a big deal of the disadvantages he faced and how it was nearly impossible--he simply kept going no matter what was thrown at him, and did it with dignity and courtesy to boot.

I dwell on the problems of this era a lot. Perhaps more than is healthy, but I figure that's better than not thinking about it at all. Nonetheless, I have a hard time accepting how little power I have sometimes, and an even harder time accepting the amount of effort necessary to accomplish anything at all. But I think I'm finally managing to actually narrow my focus to the present more than I can ever remember being able to do before. Not that the past or future should be ignored, but they're only valuable in the ways that they relate to the present. Even though I've thought this for a long time, I never really managed to push myself into that mindset like I have right now. It's a nice place to be.

Anyway. Go see The Wind Rises. I've already said why I like that specific movie, plus it's Studio Ghibli, so you can't really go wrong.

Simplify?

It's winter drumline season again, and one thing I've been noticing with drumlines this year is that their uniforms are simpler. For the uninitiated, winter drumlines come up with new uniforms for each show they do (so one per year.) Often times they'll be fancy and related to the theme in some way. Usually stretchy and form-fitting, possibly with extra details that sometimes get changed throughout the show (for example, hoods, which can be pulled up or down to complement a change in mood or help to distinguish between groups of performers within the same line if their show calls for it.) Sometimes the uniforms are homemade, sometimes they're assembled from store-bought parts, and sometimes the entire line has customized t-shirts or sweatshirts. I've been seeing a lot more of the latter than usual this year. One would think that this would detract from the quality of the show, but I'm finding that it seems to be working in the lines' favor--without the fancier costumes and props, one's attention is focused more on the performance itself and the creativity of the writing.

"Adryrn, I don't care about winter drumline, write about something spooky or rant about the Monster so you at least can appeal to my sadistic taste in blogs" says the imaginary reader who accurately represents none of you as far as I can tell but nevermind that o__o. I've been feeling a pull toward more simplicity in my outfits myself lately--or at least "cleaner" outfits. This might be because it's winter and wearing ouji/lolita under my winter coat has simply lost its appeal. I don't know that I'll be able to say for sure until it warms up more.

I'm not as enthralled looking at pictures of others in lolita either as of late. I'm not sure if it's the prints or the overall style. I still feel like it can be streamlined a lot and still be lolita (even though for a lot of people the appeal seems to lie in the opulence), but I'm unsure. I find that design details that stand out like super wide skirts or chunky boots appeal to me a lot more than intricate prints or even things like blouses (lace seems to annoy me more than anything else), and I prefer bold contrasts to intricate color coordinations. I like a lot of what one finds in earlier Gothic & Lolita Bibles, but the fun thing there is that a lot of it edges out of what is considered lolita and more into plain goth territory. At the same time, even those outfits look different from the tradgoth sort of stuff that usually comes to mind when I think "goth", in a very lolitaesque way.

I'd try pursuing these impulses, but at the same time I'm kind of sick of seeking out more pieces/accessories, so I'll probably just work with what I've already got--oh who the hell am I kidding. I say that and then immediately think "well except for those boots I've been meaning to buy since the ones I have are getting worn out and [insert further excuses here]" and "I should wear make-up that stands out instead of curating an eccentric wardrobe" which means I have to buy make-up since I don't really have anything useable except nail polish right now. And then there are all the patches I want to make and buy (and even if I make them I still have to buy material) to stick on the one button-down shirt that used to be part of a Misa cosplay (making a sort of patchy outer layer that probably will work nicely in the summer.) And that altered hoodie I want to re-vamp, although at least I probably won't have to buy anything for that. Even "working with what I've got" seems to mean buying more stuff. Oh well. Maybe this actually will be my last round on the fashion tread mill before I'm finally content.

Blending in while standing out

Although what I wear stands out sometimes, I actually do care about whether it fits in with my surroundings. However, I care because I like things to fit together aesthetically, not out of any particular urge to conform to social expectations (although I would probably recognize the practical necessity of doing so in some situations, such as visiting a country that has stronger and different expectations of what constitutes proper attire than my home country.)

A lot of what I like actually manages to not clash with my campus (which is where I'm spending most of my time right now), although sometimes it doesn't feel quite right inside of the more modern buildings (with exceptions--STSS is pretty nice-looking, for example, although in more of a sci-fi kind of way.) Casual (by today's standards or by last century's standards), comparatively modest clothing works well here. Anything that exposes too much skin is impractical as well as unfitting because they air condition the hell out of the buildings in the summer. Campus is a good place to look civilized, if only barely.

Older urban settings are similar to campus, although not as grandiose. Even more simplicity works well here--things that might be boring in other contexts become interesting to me because they fit in better and act like an extension of the interest I find in urban architecture and decay. In contrast to campus, vicious works about as well as civilized as far as style goes. Ripped clothes, fishnets, and thick eyeliner blend in nicely with the decay of the older and less maintained buildings.

Newer buildings tend to look cheaper, plainer, and sometimes gaudier. Most importantly, they have not had time to decay sufficiently, so they are not beautiful like their equivalent older counterparts. I try to avoid them, or ignore them when possible. The same applies to suburban areas, which in my experience are usually revolting, so I would rather avoid them than try and blend in (not that I always accomplish this).

Supermarkets are the epitome of suburban ugliness with their nasty fluorescent light, overwhelmingly huge enclosed spaces with nothing beautiful to focus on, and redundant products full of weird chemicals labeled as "food". It is possible to find actual food here, but you have to really look for it and be careful to check all ingredient lists. I'd describe places like this as uncivilized except they're actually a pretty good representation of the values of modern capitalist civilization. I'd strike "civilized" in the second paragraph and replace it with "cultivated" or "polished", but the urge to look that "polished" in the first place is a civilized urge. So, campus is the place to look cultured or polished and all the pleasant things civilization brings, supermarkets are the place to look vicious and wear more fishnets and ripped clothes and eyeliner. That, or look viciously cultivated in over-the-top gothic aristocrat-looking stuff. I prefer to find a way to clash with my surroundings because they are disgusting--I might not be able to change them, but just because I'm sacrificing aesthetic continuity doesn't mean I have to submit to the ugliness around me.

Natural settings or older suburbs that have had more time to decay and sprout enough green things to cover up the ugliness are trickiest, which I guess fits since paying this much attention to aesthetics is a civilized thing. Casual seems best--I find last century's standards preferable. Really just about anything that isn't too fussy fits, I guess, but at the same time if it's not beautiful in some way I feel like it marrs the beauty of the surroundings. Muted elegance might be a good phrase for what I'm thinking of. A t-shirt can look good, but the design on it might not. A skirt and petticoat could work, but the skirt with the bustle and miles of lace won't.

Of course this is all extremely subjective, and perhaps you don't obsess over visuals quite as much as I do. Or if you do, you might have entirely different opinions (which by the way would be super interesting to hear, so please post them in the comments if you feel like it.) Trivial as it may seem, this sort of thing does have a noticeable effect on my headspace. It seems a touch ironic that decayed grandiose manmade things interest me the most, but I'm certainly not the only one if Tumblr and the fake ruins at Pfaueninsel are any indicator. Perhaps its an instinctive reaction against the ways the physical and mental environment we humans have built for ourselves contradicts our nature. Then again, it might just be because it's pretty. 

Time, an example, and a vicious kick in the feels

Oh no, inspiration. Well-timed inspiration. Anyway, I'd already been pondering what it is about vegans and veganism that puts so many people off as well as how to get along with people regardless of what they eat--it's not like veganism is the only radically different value that I hold, after all, yet nothing seems to wind people (including me) up as much. (Not to imply that I've gotten into a ton of conflicts over it--most people are very accepting, and I'm good about keeping my mouth shut more often that not.) And then along comes this post from Marla, which fits into all that very nicely.

In a way, it doesn't matter how heavy or significant the facts behind veganism are because facts alone are not convincing. They did not stop me from becoming an omnivore when I was six or convince me to knock that shit off, so I really shouldn't expect them to help me much when interacting with others. At best, they help show open-minded people that I'm not some extremist who's putting a frankly-not-so-effective-by-itself attempt at living by one altruistic principle ahead of their social life, their happiness, and their health.

I suspect that everyone who makes any kind of long-term, life-altering decision that isn't necessitated by their own immediate needs probably has some sort of moment where something lights some sort of emotional spark under their ass (or at least turns on a lightbulb somewhere in their headspace) and convinces them to change. Here's what changed my mind (skip to the third-from-last paragraph if graphic fantasy violence triggers you or you're in a dire emotional state.)

The foundation was laid when I was in fifth grade and I saw the video for Pink Floyd's "Another Brick in the Wall" on a big screen in the Hard Rock Cafe. The actual message of the video flew right over my head, but the people in cloaks and masks getting tipped off a conveyor belt and falling into a meat grinder disturbed the fuck out of me. Even now, it is probably the single most disturbing thing I have ever seen. It took me a long time to be able to hear even the first several seconds of that song without panicking and smashing a button to turn it off or running away from it. I still feel uneasy when I hear that song. But I never quite connected the sight of what was meant to be ground-up humanoids to the chicken nuggets in front of me as I cried.

That kind of imagery still disturbs me, though. Fast-forward ten years to Berlin in 2012 when I saw the movie Cloud Atlas. It looked like (and was) an incredible movie--it was complex and pretty enough to keep me entertained, but unlike a lot of things I enjoy it wasn't just dealing with creepy and violent things in an aesthetically pleasing way--it could be as brutal as it was beautiful at some points, and one of those points was the slaughter ship from the Neo-Seoul storyline, where human clones were "recycled" into food for the clones who were still in their prime (unbeknownst to any of them except for the protagonist.) The clones were told they were being set free after years of slavery, but as soon as they were out of the sight of their fellows they were systematically killed and transported to the recycling part of the facility on meathooks. I covered my eyes, but I'd seen enough and could still hear enough to figure out what was going on, and it plagued me for at least a month afterwards.

I couldn't help but draw a parallel between the clones in the film and livestock in our world. And since there have been instances in our not-so-distant past of humans being murdered in the millions by industrial means as well as treated as livestock, was the predicament of the clones of Neo-Seoul really so farfetched? Humans might like to think of themselves as separate from nature, but we're still animals and we can still see that even as we tell ourselves we're different--how else do we become so attached to our pets, regardless of species? And when we systematically murder and abuse animals and make use of their corpses and the byproducts of their bodies so often that we come into contact with those products on a daily basis and think nothing of it, can it really be possible that it has no effect whatever on how we view our fellow humans?

I'm not suggesting that omnivores are the same as murderers, or that they take anywhere near as icy-hearted a view towards their fellow humans as the people of Neo-Seoul in Cloud Atlas. But I can't help but think this widespread and systematic mistreatment of animals and the way most people refuse to really think about what they're helping to perpetuate when they use animal products (let alone take any kind of action to put a stop to it) has some kind of effect on how we view all animals, even the ones we like and consider to be people. And there is no way that effect could be positive.

The above is not by any means the only or even a particularly good reason to go vegan--it's just what convinced me. I decided to cut out meat entirely two days after seeing Cloud Atlas, and the only reason I didn't immediately go vegan (not to mention quit buying leather, used or no) is because it took me awhile to fully discard my omnivore filter. I didn't feel ready--it felt like too big a step (and now that I think about it it's kind of ridiculous how fast I was able to forget what that felt like), so I assumed I was doing enough by avoiding meat and didn't really look into the facts behind at all. It took about ten months plus another nudge in the right direction (which came in the form of Davey Havok's outspoken vegan streak) to convince me to take this as far as I can.

Try as many vegans might to spark similar emotional kicks in the pants with disturbing slaughterhouse footage and info dumps, I think most people have to encounter that moment on their own, because everyone has different weak spots, and it's often next to impossible for an outsider (or even the individual themself) to predict what will be effective. In the mean time, any outside attempts to create that spark will probably irritate the fuck out of most people and create mental scar tissue more than anything else. Regardless of what I think other people should do, there's no effective way for me to get them to do that. Not that I've really done much of that--any half-hearted attempts that may have seemed like that were more snark resulting from the frustration of dealing with omnivorous dietary customs in restaurants and gatherings or people questioning my painfully obvious reasons for cutting out animal products than anything else. (And yes, I should be more careful about that. I'm working on it.)

Anyway. TL;DR: I've realized that most people need time, at least one example, and a potent kick in the feels to go vegan, and the latter may be something they never get and is almost certainly something they won't get from anything I say. Mine is described above for anyone who's curious.

Making Ideas Material

I find myself with loads of ideas for not only cosplay, but also general outfit or garment concepts that look awesome in sketch form AND feel like they're within the realm of possibility as far as actually constructing. Everyone who's ever come close to actually making these sorts of ideas material knows the materials cost money. But I'm finding that even more than the money (it's easy to pretend I'll get the money for pretty much anything under five hundred dollars at some point), I start to worry about what I'll *do* with the things once I've made them and photographed them and maybe worn them to some sort of event.

One thing that I tend to keep in mind is doing a photoshoot or even a video, which I may try some day and even be satisfied with. But that still leaves me with the garments. Taking up space. Garments that reflect a reality (or perhaps just a world view) that aren't quite on the same frequency as what I actually live and perceive. I like eccentric or even whimsical looking-clothes, but no matter what they look like they start to lose their aura when I wear them in situations that don't quite conform to them and go from magical to cumbersome, and I'm unsure what to do about this. Do I keep refining like I've been doing and make all my clothes reflect some sort of synthesis of the inside of my head and my surroundings as I perceive them? Do I work on altering my perception so it suits my aesthetics better? Do I make more efforts to change my actual surroundings? Go somewhere else when wherever I am disappoints me?

My surroundings often lose their aura the same way my clothes do. I love my home city, and I think my university is beautiful whenever I stop and look at it (cloudy days help--it's a moody place. The sun makes everything look the same, the clouds complement and expose the beauty in the buildings.) Traveling helps, especially when I'm awake enough to take everything in and I'm not freezing my ass off. Maybe that's the trick--keep moving so everything stays fresh. And even if I wear the same outfit for a month, it becomes my adventuring outfit and therefore inherently appealing (and that's starting from an already appealing baseline since if I'm going to be wearing it for so many days in a row, it had better be pretty awesome to begin with.)

Or maybe winter is the culprit here. I'm coming to despise tights--they feel like too many layers under bloomers, a petticoat, a skirt, and a shirt. Even my velvet blazer becomes unappealing when it's shoved between a sweater and my winter coat. I apparently have an optimum layer level--no layers and it feels boring, too many layers and it feels bulky as well as boring since everything is hidden under my coat (which I generally don't take off unless I'm at home.) To be happy, I need no more than two inner layers and one outer layer that I can wear in a way that exposes the inner layers. It's a shame, because the outside world looks beautiful with the snow.

The truth is my wardrobe doesn't need that many pieces as long as they all look good together. I've got most of what I need right now even though I've still got so many ideas. Part of me wants to keep experimenting, but that costs money and takes up space, and in order to disentangle myself from the Monster I need to stop using money for so many things. Easiest place to start there is with the things I do for fun. And even if money weren't a concern, I grow more and more uncomfortable with owning stuff I don't use regularly. Objects are burdensome to me, and clothes I don't wear often are no exception.

But my brain won't quit. Although when I see people in casual but distinct and expressive outfits who look fantastic in them, it gives me hope. Not hope that I'll be like them (because really their clothes aren't that different from mine and I'd rather be me anyway), but that I'll find a way to adjust my headspace so that I won't get bored wearing such outfits because I'll find such fascinating things to obsess over that I won't have any energy left for getting fed up with clothes.

Refining

I've been chipping away recently, particularly at my accumulated material possessions. It's been getting easier to let go the more I do it. As of late, sometimes I feel myself feeling unattached to things before I'm even completely comfortable with loosing my attachment to them. The biggest example being my pony collection--I still think the G1s are super cute, it's just I hardly even notice that the ones I still have out are there any more. Part of me wants to just keep babies Moondancer and Glory (because they're the cutest <3) and sell the rest (including my first several that I got when the obsession was new, which I was super attached to because for awhile they were the only ones I had.) Even when I think I'm done, I find I'm not--just a week or two ago I dropped a couple grocery bags of stuff of at the local thrift store and I've still got another two or so bags worth of stuff part of me has let go of (which, as mentioned before, the overly-cautious part of me is still hesitating to accept.)

Part of this is a practicality, or even a necessity. I have very little income since my classes are my top priority right now (and after that comes fun domestic stuff like cooking and sewing.) So if I want to do things that cost money, I have to sell stuff, which seems totally reasonable to me. If anything, I'm pleased that I had the taste I did when I was a teenager because the stuff I accumulated and enjoyed then more than I do now is stuff that other people still actually want. Some of the Christmas presents I got so excited about when I first got them have turned out to be two gifts in one because of this. Furthermore, when I move out I will very likely not have room for a lot of the stuff I have now, let alone all the stuff I've gotten rid of so far.

I've been chipping away at my wardrobe, too. As I start to get a taste of some of the styles I used to lust after, I realize it seems to take a lot less to satisfy myself than what I expected. I'm refining it down to just my favorite pieces, and it feels great.

It's not just material things that I'm chipping away at, though. I've been working on unlearning the cultural bullshit I absorbed as a child just by being born into this monstrous society and trying to figure how best to react to the world around me. Not that I don't have tons more unlearning and learning to do, but I feel like I understand my surroundings better than I did even a few years ago. I'm refining my priorities, and the material purging is part of that. Here's hoping I won't get so bogged down again (although I'm sure I will, given how much life I expect I have left to live.)

Adjustments I

I'm making an effort to customize the things I have around that have potential (and yet don't tend to get worn much) instead of replacing them with something better. Here's what I've been working on so far:

Acrylic Cardigan

This used to have shiny off-white buttons that looked like they were made of shell or something like that (although I doubt they actually were.) Whatever they were made of, they matched my Tokio Hotel t-shirt pretty well but looked weird with everything else. No longer. I've replaced them with cute white buttons in alternating star and heart shapes (as well as widened some of the button holes to accomodate the star buttons, which were just a hair too big to fit through the holes as they originally were.)

Black Thermal

The original buttons on this shirt were actually pretty awesome and brassy-looking. Vaguely steampunk, I guess. Trouble is they looked odd with the silver in my pyramid-stud belt. There really isn't room for any warm metallic stuff in my wardrobe, actually. So I replaced the buttons with plainer black buttons, putting this shirt on track to become one of my favorites because of how awesomely it fits me.

Inspiration: Elisabeth das Musical

I don't normally write about musicals on here, so for now I won't obsess much about how fascinating and convincing and generally brilliant I find the personification of death (der Tod in German) in the musical Elisabeth. However, the costumes alone are dazzling and close enough to my usual taste in clothes to be worth a post on their own 8D.

For starters, der Tod always wears [nearly] monochromatic outfits. I think my favorite is the black outfit Uwe Kröger wore in the 1992 production...

I also like the neatness in some of the more recent costumes (for example, the ones worn by Oliver Arno.)

Der Tod's costumes are usually fairly simple (even the outfit with the elegant frock coat has what appears to be a simple mock turtleneck under it) but not without making an impact. The make-up and jewelry worn by some versions (not to mention Uwe Kröger's hair in the original production =D) add a sense of androgyny that I also enjoy and find highly appropriate for the character.

The idea of the inevitability and necesity of death as a theme is also very appealing, and I find the way der Tod in Elisabeth is presented as something as familiar as another human to be a highly effective (although subtle) way of expressing that. I find it preferable to accept and embrace one's mortality rather than fear it (and by "embrace" I do NOT mean being suicidal, but rather resisting the urge to avoid thinking about death or taking worthwhile risks out of fear of death), and the way der Tod is woven into the unraveling of the power of the European royalty and the end of that era feels somewhat similar to the unfolding industrial collapse in this era and our collective refusal to make our lifestyles more conducive to our long term survival as a species.

Even though one is never really allowed to forget what der Tod really is, he looks and acts like a human (albeit a highly intrusive and possibly unhinged one), and although a lot of this is expressed in how purposeful his actions seem and how ominously they line up with the mental processes of the living, the way he's dressed like he gives a shit (as opposed to the rags or simple cloak of your usual grim reaper type) certainly adds to the familiarity while at the same time setting him apart from the cast by having him always wear mostly black or all white.

Although they make him stand out, der Tod is not the only character to wear monochromatic costumes. Luigi Lucheni also has a tendency toward mostly-black costumes, and Elisabeth herself tends to wear a lot of white (or, later, all black.) These commonalities tie the three characters together nicely (although Elisabeth's outfits are usually based off the clothes the real Elisabeth wore in the existing paintings and photographs of her.)

Being an empress (who was also just generally obsessed with maintaining her appearance), it's to be expected that Sisi also looks dazzling. This portrait (can't find any good pictures of the black costume from the musical) makes me want to develop a kuro-lolita outfit based on her mourning clothes (probably involving a super long, voluminous brown wig.)