Icky Purism

I'm not a very picky eater--but nonetheless, the average restaurant or grocery store I go into tends to carry more food that I wouldn't eat (or perhaps not even consider food) than food I would eat. Part of this is because I no longer eat animal products, but that's just the tip of the iceberg. I also avoid high fructose corn syrup, artificial sweeteners, and pretty much anything with a chemical-looking name that I can't identify. My first impulse upon considering whether to buy something is to check the ingredients label--and often times my next reaction is wrinkle my nose in annoyance or disgust. It doesn't help that I also don't like to spend much time preparing food (although sometimes I wind up doing so anyway), and I'm recovering from a childhood aversion to plain fruits and vegetables. I also don't feel like I even have all that much time to spend eating--especially when I'm spending the better part of my day at my university, where I only eat what I can carry with me because I don't want to spend the money eating out (assuming I can find something I want to eat) and I'm too lazy to stick things in the fridge at the commuter center.

I'd like to reiterate here that I love food--it just has to be good food =/. Preferably also convenient. I feel like I get enough food even if there are hungry periods (I tend to basically eat as much breakfast as I can before leaving, then snack through the evening once I get home.) Most of the problem here is my class schedule, but my standards don't help. They aren't part of the problem, though--I blame other peoples' lack of standards there. Not saying that isn't still my problem to deal with--I don't get to tell other people to alter their diets to make it easier for me to eat out and find food.

Sometimes I wonder if I get too extreme. I don't think it's healthy to think too much about one's food--in my case, it gets a bit too close being an obsession if I let it. I don't think I'm alone here--I recall hearing someone on Youtube saying that they agree with vegans that it's immoral to exploit animals for food and that refusing to support the industries that do so is the moral thing to do, but for that particular person, concerning themself that much with something as essential to their survival as eating would not be conducive to their mental health, so they were content to be immoral in their eating practices. I can sympathize with this, it's just that in my case there's enough vegan food I like so it's not difficult to cut out animal products. It also probably helps that my mom is vegetarian and I was raised vegetarian until I was six and decided I wanted to eat meat (because if it's so bad, why is practically everyone else eating it? thought my six-year-old self.) So I'm used to paying attention to protein intake and eating meatless food--before I cut out meat, I still kept track of protein just because anything high in protein was conveniently filling, which meant less food to carry (assuming I was eating something portable like jerky or protein bars.)

So I can avoid the obsessing-over-my-food mentality if I avoid most restaurants. And meals at peoples' houses. Oh, and supermarkets, because of distaste for processed foods and ingredients. In other words, pretty much everywhere most people get food from. Given that I'm a bit of a loner and rarely go out to eat much anyway, it's not too hard to develop a bubble mentality where all those restaurants and supermarkets don't exist.

But sometimes I start to want to get rid of my leather and wool, even though doing so would clash with my frugality and dislike of waste. To me, not getting as much use as possible (or throwing away *shivers*) something an animal had to suffer and die to produce is much worse than appearing to condone the industries that put those animals through so much misery in the first place. And I'm 93ish-percent sure those abhorrent circumstances aren't what make me want to get rid of the things--it's just this nasty tendency I have towards purism. I do my best to repeat to myself that I won't buy any more, and it would be overly frivolous to replace so many perfectly useful things just because of how they were made. But I think if I can make my somewhat new eating habits more automatic and avoid places where animal-derived "food" is sold, the purist in me will be more likely to lay off. Wish me luck?

"Grendel's Mom"

WHEEE classes. Don't think I've ever been quite this busy with school before. It's mostly fun so far, though (except the lack of sleep. Even that hasn't been as much of a problem, but I should still probably correct that before it becomes one -__-;;.) I'm taking a British literature course that's turning out to be more fun than I expected, and the first thing we read was Beowulf. During today's a previous lecture we spent some time talking about Grendel's mother and it dawned on me that she's a total badass even if she winds up getting killed by Beowulf. Also, the lyrics of "Stacy's Mom" are silly. It would be a much better song if it were about Grendel's mom.

Grendel's mom has got it goin' on
Grendel's mom has got it goin' on
Grendel's mom has got it goin' on
Grendel's mom has got it goin' on

Grendel, we killed you, so your mom got pissed (totally pissed)

She snuck into Heorot last night from the mist (from the mist)

We didn't even know you had a mom (had a mom)

But now we gotta kill her, 'cause she killed Aeschere (killed him dead)

You know, you killed a lotta guys before you got killed
We didn't have to send their mothers after her, but

Grendel's mom has got it goin' on
She's all I wanna be, but I know I'm not as tough
Grendel, can't you see you're just not badass enough
I know it might be wrong but I wanna be Grendel's mom

Grendel's mom has got it goin' on
Grendel's mom has got it goin' on

Grendel, do you remember when you ate my son? (ate my son)
'Cause your mom never taught you better (so fucking rude)
I didn't go after you 'cause I'm such a wuss (such a wuss)
Unlike your mom, I'm no good at resolving blood feuds (why'd you eat my son?)

And I know that you're dead, so you can't hear me
But since you have no dad, your mom had to avenge you

Grendel's mom has got it goin' on
She's all I wanna be, but I know I'm not as tough
Grendel, can't you see you're just not badass enough
I know it might be wrong,
but I wanna be Grendel's mom

Grendel's mom has got it goin' on
She's all I wanna be but I know I'm not as tough
Grendel, can't you see you're just not badass enough
I know it might be wrong but oh oh
I wanna be (Grendel's mom oh oh)
I wanna be (Grendel's mom oh oh)

Waitaminute

Grendel can't you see, you're not badass enough for me

I know it might be wrong, but I wanna be Grendel's mom

Harm Reduction

As you may have gathered, my stance on buying things is pretty much assume-something-objectional-was-involved-in-making-this-item-available. I try to strike a healthy balance between making sure my money doesn't support practices I don't approve of and not getting obsessed with the latter or beating myself up over small purchases. Right now, I do this by making an effort to buy local/organic when it's not too inconvenient, not eating meat (although I've had things with rennet and gelatin in them since last November, which I'm now trying to be more vigilant about), and buying most non-food objects secondhand (exceptions for underwear and books or CDs where I want to go out of my way to support the creators).

Until recently I've been getting a lot of my protein from dairy products (even though I do think it's immoral to keep animals in captivity in order to harvest product from them), but I'm starting to get uncomfortable with that. When I first cut out meat, I was still of the attitude that it would be way too inconvenient to cut out all animal products and I shouldn't make myself worry about that, too. But now I'm starting to feel like that's more doable than I thought it would be. I don't know if I'll ever totally cut out animal products (I like macarons, damnit--and it's not like I get to eat them often anyway), but even just contemplating it and making an effort to cut back has made it easier to leave things like cheese and milk alone (even though I used to love both).

The difficult things for me will be getting enough protein in the first place (I get sick of nuts and beans), but the worst will probably be the baked goods I can probably no longer have (I'd really been wanting to experiment with making madeleines) and the green tea lattes I suspect won't work so well with almond milk. I could be wrong about those, though. I don't eat that many sweets, and I tried substituting all the animal products out of the scone recipe I've been using. They turned out alright--not as fluffy, but not bad. Maybe good enough--we'll see how I feel after I've made them this way a few times. Vegan muffins work pretty well, at least. And I doubt I'm the only person who's ever wanted delicious baked sweets without animal products--some more Googling around will probably lead me to more vegan sweets than I thought could possibly exist. They might just be enough.

After all, vegetarianism isn't difficult because of a lack of variety. The inconvenience is social in nature (unless you're anemic or you have some other health condition that makes it more difficult than usual for you to cut meat from your diet)--other people like to eat meat, so that's what's widely available when you go out to eat and what most people put in meals at their homes. I suspect the same applies to veganism--although it's probably as easy as it is today due to industrial technology. I don't think it would be nearly as easy to grow everything you needed to get a sufficiently nutritious diet by yourself, in one climate zone. Maybe within my life we will shift back to an economic situation where a healthy vegan diet is near impossible due to economic restrictions. But for now, I can eat vegan, so it seems like the right thing to do.

That said, I haven't decided how much I'm going to push myself yet (specifically, I'm feeling resistant to giving up macarons -__-;). I don't think "vegan" will ever be a good word to describe me since I'm also not willing to give up the leather and wool things I've got even if wearing them does help support the idea that the practices involved making those things are okay (they were mostly bought secondhand, though not all). In fact, looking into the secondhand leather thing made me realize that although I do want to cut animal products out of my diet, what motivates me to do that isn't quite the same thing as what seems to motivate most vegans--I don't actually mind using dead animal parts as clothes, or making use of dead things in general. What bothers me is excessive or frivolous murder of animals (i.e. where pretty much all of the meat in developed countries come from, since most people could avoid animal products and still eat a healthy diet fairly easily if they were so inclined) and the inefficient resource use that goes into such practices. Not wasting a perfectly useful item that an animal has already been killed to make is more important to me than not promoting the use of leather (as long as I can avoid directly encouraging the production of leather by not buying things new.)

Another thing that seemed too troublesome before but now feels reasonable is boycotting Monsanto. I've printed out a list of companies that lobbied against GMO labeling in California (and companies that supported such measures) and plan to take it grocery shopping. My mom seems open to at least trying to avoid companies that are against GMO labeling and/or (most likely "and" XD) knowingly use GMOs in their products. 

One thing I still refuse to worry about is fabric sources when I'm getting things for cosplay or any other sewing I do (or American Apparel's cotton >__>.) That still feels way too overwhelming (excuses, excuses.)

Anyway. Hooray for damage control, even if all it does is make me feel slightly more in control of the impact of my lifestyle. Minimal as the difference the effort makes is.

Focus

My focus is starting to drift away from my classes I'm awful at time management. That bit you see to the left was the beginning of a blog post I wrote in May but never had time to clean/post before it became outdated. I'm more focused on classes than ever right now, and I'm fairly certain that's because I'm back at my home university, which instead of scheduling class once a week like the Freie Universität did has each class several times a week (but with a roughly equivalent homework load. Probably. I think?). In other words, I don't have to manage my time here because the U manages it for me. Whenever I'm not in class is homework time 8D.

That wasn't even a sarcastic smiley. The schedule itself can be a pain (an English lit discussion can be great fun for around one hour but starts to get old after that, especially when it focuses on super close readings and lecturing), but I'm finding it oddly less stressful to get my homework done when I have less time to do it in. Having it all be in English probably helps, too, I guess.

There was another bit in that post about a quote about how the thing you do when you procrastinate is the thing you should be focusing on. It resonated with me, but I don't think it's necessarily true--my procrastination comes from a place of dread at not doing the thing I'm putting off properly or not enjoying the task. I don't usually put things off because I don't think they're worth doing, it's because there's pressure to do them right and within a certain time frame. This is why I'm writing blog posts instead of my response paper that's due on Monday and my one-page/probably-German report that's due the Monday after. They're all things that I should get done because I see value in them (well, the German report is more an obligation than a thing I see intrinsic value in. Still. An obligation resulting from doing a thing that was and will continue to be more worthwhile than a lot of things I've bothered with). There's some self-imposed time pressure on the blog posts, too, but the consequences for missing a day are not nearly as great as not doing my assignments, so they're lower pressure.

But even if the blog (and the Tumblr) are worthwhile pursuits because they get me cranking out presentable pretties/written work on a more regular basis than otherwise, I don't exactly take that much pride in what I post. Presentable is the key word. That, and I'm half-heartedly trying to build up some web presence for whenever I do something worth really spreading around (if the novel I'm working on doesn't get picked up by any publishers I'll send it to if I finish it, I plan to post it online, for example.) I haven't really come up with anything I'm really proud of so far. Or at least, not finished anything. I'm really proud of what I'm thinking that novel has the potential to be. But I might disappoint myself. I'm awfully fucking obsessed with the two main characters, though. I can't help but have faith that there's something worth extracting there. I just have to translate it to words clearly enough.

Not that the novel has gotten tied into anything for school at the moment, though. So I haven't found much time to re-write it (although studying Beowulf lead me to an epiphany that'll really help me improve what I've got.) I'll get it done some time or another. Other than that, I can write these blog posts, but they're not exactly the cream of the internet. Same with the photos. My sewing and drawings are mediocre for now at best, though the sewing's improving. Writing comes most natural to me, I just need to do more of it. Which I'm doing right now (both here and for school--hooray, three writing intensive courses at once 8D).

Anyway. The bit I ended the other post I was talking about was pretty much spot-on--I've got this personal weakness where as soon as I feel too pressured to do something I don't want to do it no matter how worthwhile it is. Not like that's unusual or anything. All there is to do is work around it, so I guess I'll just keep working on doing that.

[And speaking of not doing shit on time, I kind of dropped the ball with this blog the past couple weeks, so I'm going to post things this Tuesday and Wednesday as well as Thursday to make up for it >_>.]

AFI at the Varsity Theatre (12. September)

Once upon a time (I think maybe around 2007 or so) someone at a party thought I'd like AFI. I checked out Decemberunderground from the library, latched onto a few songs for awhile, then quit listening altogether. Fast forward to last spring when I decided to listen through the whole album again (I'd ripped the CD onto my computer the first time I'd checked it out, of course). And again. And again. And again. I think you can figure out where that lead. Then once I got back from Germany, I happened to find out that AFI is releasing a new album for the first time in four years. And they're touring. And they'd be starting that tour in my home city. And as a nice little bonus, they were playing at one of my favorite venues (said venue is also located pretty much right next to my university for extra convenience).

I bought my tickets as soon as I could.

This was my first time seeing AFI, and I thought I'd check out the front of the venue a half hour before the doors open. Then I was on campus earlier than expected and thought I'd get some homework done first, so I got there a little later than 4:30. There was maybe a twenty-foot line, but I was hungry, so I got pizza first and got in line around a quarter to five. In spite of all this dawdling, I wound up in the second row, which was super fucking lucky for me since, as I learned much later, the Varsity apparently doesn't let people line up until an hour or two before a show, which I'm guessing was the reason for the shortness of the line (or at least, going off some online discussion I found after the event).

AFI is one of the most energetic bands I've ever seen live. This might not mean much when one takes into account that I'm not usually a fan of hardcore or anything else as heavy as a lot of their material, but it anyway. The way everyone in the band not bound to a stool runs around on stage and jumps off things and stuff was really endearing and fun to watch. I also enjoyed the audience, which was not only super energetic but also seemed uncommonly friendly (not sure if this is general to AFI fans all over, or a combination of the band and the location, or just the result of the people I happened to wind up standing near at that particular show). The only show I can recall going to that was as strikingly energetic was the first time I saw Lykke Li, although her energy is very different from AFI's (it came more from her as an individual--I recall my first impression of her being that she was "super hyper". She was energetic in a chatty, bouncy way while AFI and Davey in particular are energetic in a running-around-and-being-super-loud-and-eliciting-a-corresponding-audience-response kind of way. In fact, they're so different that I almost wonder if the connection in my brain is coming more from also having seen Lykke Li at the Varsity.)

I suspect I would've been able to hear Davey very clearly (unlike other concerts I've been to where the vocalists get covered up by the guitars) if the audience hadn't been singing along so loud with every song, but there was something exhilirating about seeing and hearing how much these people really love this band, so it didn't bother me as much as it normally would've. What I did hear above the crowd (bits of the vocals and pretty much all of the instrumentals) was extremely clean and together, which was especially impressive when taking into consideration all the running around that was going on. The set list included a wide range of older and newer material and even their version of "Just Like Heaven", which I've listened to repeatedly on Youtube and never expected to get to hear live, so that was a fucking amazing surprise.

I feel like I'm starting to do a lot of stating the obvious instead of personal impressions so I'll quit here. At any rate, I will not be missing any more AFI concerts occurring in the same city as me 8D.

Brain Candy

Complexity --> Flexibility --> ??? --> Profit

Or at least, so it seems, when it comes to literature. Or art in general. Substitute "greatness" for profit (hooray for old memes?) Though I'm sure plenty of money has changed hands where re-prints of works are concerned.

It seems to me that one thing that contributes greatly to whether a work makes a lasting impression on human culture is how open to interpretation it is. It can't be devoid of meaning, mind you, but if you cram enough into it and somehow manage to make it coherent and let it stew for a century or several, just about anyone can get something out of it. Granted, for it to last at all, it must first be beautiful. For the first century or so after Paradise Lost was published, for example, most critics seemed to only focus on the style and the language of the poem instead of the content (then the Romantics got ahold of it. Mwahaha.) Or Shakespeare. Shakespeare was meant to appeal to the masses, and yet now it's regarded as great literature (and unfortunately lofty and unaccessable in some circles -__-.)

The concept extends to music, too. I recall reading at least an essay (that may or may not have been part of a whole book on the subject) detailing how Beethoven's music was co-opted for pretty much every political purpose under the sun in the late nineteenth and early twentieth century.

In short, it would seem that under the right circumstances, if a work is beautiful enough so people remember it and keep reading it over the centuries, it seems to gain this extra patina full of different interpretations (liberally applicable once the author is dead so they can't contradict anyone beyond what they wrote or said in their own lifetime, of course) that perpetuates the work even after societal standards of beauty have changed, turning it to chewy delicious brain candy for geeks and over-thinkers everywhere.

Of course, this all seems pretty obvious once I type it out. I think it's one of my favorite things about literature and art in general, though. Great works continue to generate new meanings as long as people are still reading them. They just need that initial something to capture peoples' attention.

Wardrobe Practicality

I've admired some comparatively over-the-top strains of gothic and lolita styles since my mid-teens, but have always had difficulty obtaining all the pieces I needed--and then often times when I did, I found myself realizing how impractical some of it is day to day. Only now, at twenty-two, am I finding myself actually satisfied with what I have. There are still things I could use (*coughvestcoughcough*), but no deeply felt, urgent "needs" like in years past. The following things might not apply to you since everyone's situation is a little different, but here's what I've done to feel more comfortable in my clothes over the years.

Color coordination

Or at least, making sure your whole outfit goes together nicely if you don't like things to be "too matchy". (*coughcoughsnickersnerk*) I will of course concede that outfits can still look great if they aren't color coordinated, but I personally prefer things that way. Of course, I don't have a lot of patience for it, so this has contributed to my mostly-black wardrobe (in the photo you can see a velvet blazer, a scarf, and a knit top with a mock turtleneck that look okay if not great with nearly everything I own, partly because they're all black). However you do it, if everything you're wearing looks good together, you don't need as many stand-out pieces. Sometimes it can be cheaper and more practical to make the outfit as a whole stand out instead of wearing bondange pants with the perfect coating of hardware and straps or a rococo-inspired dress with a ginormous petticoat under it.

Stand-out pieces

That doesn't mean that having one or two stand-out pieces per outfit doesn't help a lot, though. I'm sure we've both heard this before, but it's worth repeating. In my case, a fishnet shirt (or if you can't find that, a pair of fishnet tights with the crotch cut open and the feet cut off) or a dog chain as a necklace work wonders for an otherwise plain black outfit. Even my pyramid-stud belt helps a lot (providing it's actually showing--it took me awhile to figure out that my t-shirts actually do look better tucked into my jeans/cords if I'm wearing a nice belt.)

Shoes

it makes a huge difference when your shoes look good with the rest of your outfit, and it's entirely possible to find shoes that look okay and are comfortable. For example, my default footwear is a pair of thick-soled black leather boots. They look good with most of what I wear and make great walking shoes. I can also wear them in pretty much weather, although I've heard a few people comment on how hot my feet must be in the summer even though they don't feel any more uncomfortable than they would in a lighter pair of shoes. That last bit might be a personal quirk, though. Anyway. Coordinating your shoes with your outfit instead of wearing the same pair of sneakers every day can work wonders for making your outfit look like more than the sum of its components.

Loliability

Or gothability. Since goth is a much more flexible and diverse style, I'll stick with loliability. Most lolita clothes, especially clothes aside from the fundamental blouses and skirts/dresses, are actually not that difficult to find off-brand/secondhand. When I finally got around to buying my petticoat (a relatively expensive purchase for me), I found I could make lolita coords right away (I bought a chiffon A-line petticoat, which fits nicely under a circle skirt and and an A-line dress I already owned and had been wearing without a petticoat before. I haven't tried it yet, but I'm guessing it might look okay under some pleated skirts, too). The trick here is watching out for material and colors--a lot of square dance skirts will look more clownish than country lolita because of the bright colors they use, for example. Also watch out for skirts made from generally cheapass materials. Same goes for blouses--workable blouses CAN occasionally be found in thrift stores. Ditto knit shirts that work for casual lolita (like the one in the photo, for example). Just be careful of the quality of the material and make sure they fit right.

The other part of this is accessories, especially jewelry and bags. Even if you don't have a petticoat or a skirt, be conscious of how any accessories you buy would work with lolita. Try to find things that work well with both lolita and non-lolita clothes. Keep in mind that you don't have to look like you popped out of a Baby the Stars Shine Bright ad to be lolita (although if you wanted to, you could still probably do that without buying all your accessories from them, or by only buying an accessory or two from them and getting your dress from a cheaper source.)

Everyday items

I mostly mean bags, but it also applies to things like jackets and lunchboxes or wallets. It seems to me like a lot of people just get whatever's cheap and effective regardless of what it looks like, but when I do this, it drives me up a wall with longing for something prettier. Another thing about bags that I've found bothers me is shoulder straps. Sometimes it can't be helped because of the textbooks I need for my classes and the distance between where I live and my university, but I really do prefer bags with handles instead of bags with shoulder straps because of the way shoulder straps pull my clothes around and the extra couple seconds it always takes to disentangle myself from them when I'm not in transit. That's just my preference, though. The thing to take away here is to take the time to figure out your priorities when buying things you use daily and always apply them to your purchases.

Unified wardrobe

Here's another thing worth repeating that you've probably heard before: try to make sure as much of your wardrobe as possible goes with everything else. It's quite a challenge to make sure EVERYTHING goes with everything, but the closer you get, the easier it is to have satisfying outfits to wear every day. Wearing mostly black has helped me a lot with this, but color isn't the only important factor in putting together good outfits--style, fit, and quality are also more important. I have a preference for a clean look over craploads of lace or hardware, which has served me well in this respect. For example, the scarf I'm wearing as a neck bow in the first photo works well for multiple levels of (in)formality because of the material and the simplicity, and even though the mock turtleneck on the shirt adds an elegant touch, it's still basic enough to work with more punkish or masculine-looking outfits. Black wool sweaters have also become a major staple for me whenever it's cold enough to wear them.

It's also important to think about what you'd wear a garment with BEFORE YOU BUY IT. Assuming you don't have money to burn and infinite space, it's very helpful in the long run to only buy things that go with things you already own, unless you're in the early stages of building a wardrobe (in which case, substitute careful planning of purchases to make sure the garments you're buying will go well together.)

That said, the above is merely based on my personal experiences. If you have other ways of wardrobe building that have served you well, I'd love to hear them.

Travel

I was supposed to start classes for my new semester this Tuesday. Then my bus broke down, so I had to leave a day later and miss my first two lectures. Ahahahaha D8.

At least they refunded my ticket. Lesson learned--leave buffer days between travel destinations when it's important you be somewhere before a certain time. Anyway. This sort of traveling (as I write this I'm on a nearly-six-hour bus trip to Chicago, where I'll be hanging out for several hours at the train station because I don't want to run around the downtown area carrying my plastic bag full of dirty clothes with me and I don't have money to spend on a locker, then taking a night bus to Minneapolis) has started to feel routine to me. I'm starting to like this. I'm comfortable enough with it to be able to concentrate on writing this post while on a crowded bus.

It's interesting in that it's sort of as predicted, sort of not. Traveling widely became a priority for me while I was in my late teens, and now it's started to come true, although so far most of it's been because of studying abroad in Europe (and therefore taking all the chances to travel that I could in case they didn't come around again) and being in a relationship with people two states away from me. Still, I'm starting to learn how to make this more cost-effective and getting used to fun little screw-ups like transport breakdowns and other delays. I've still got stuff to learn (I'm thinking I'll need to start looking into sub-letting apartments and couchsurfing once I'm closer to finishing my degree), but even so, I'm getting pretty comfortable with running around a lot like this.

Staying in one place wasn't very appealing in my late teens, and it becomes even less so the more I do it. Right now I'm hoping to find enough short-term or portable work to be able to switch places every few months after I graduate. I'm thinking I'd do a lot of switching between Minneapolis, Chicago, and possibly St. Louis. I also want to spend some time in New York City, but I'd have to get there to see how long I'd actually want to be there or how often I'd want to go back, if at all. It looks like a fascinating place, at any rate.

In order to do this, I'm thinking I'll have to get better at finding jobs (I'm starting to get to the bottom of stuff I can sell on eBay in order to make travel money fast) and get rid of more stuff. But I feel like I've got a much better idea of what I want to do after I graduate now than I did a year or two ago, even if my goals haven't changed that much. Hooray, personal progress?