Making Ideas Material

I find myself with loads of ideas for not only cosplay, but also general outfit or garment concepts that look awesome in sketch form AND feel like they're within the realm of possibility as far as actually constructing. Everyone who's ever come close to actually making these sorts of ideas material knows the materials cost money. But I'm finding that even more than the money (it's easy to pretend I'll get the money for pretty much anything under five hundred dollars at some point), I start to worry about what I'll *do* with the things once I've made them and photographed them and maybe worn them to some sort of event.

One thing that I tend to keep in mind is doing a photoshoot or even a video, which I may try some day and even be satisfied with. But that still leaves me with the garments. Taking up space. Garments that reflect a reality (or perhaps just a world view) that aren't quite on the same frequency as what I actually live and perceive. I like eccentric or even whimsical looking-clothes, but no matter what they look like they start to lose their aura when I wear them in situations that don't quite conform to them and go from magical to cumbersome, and I'm unsure what to do about this. Do I keep refining like I've been doing and make all my clothes reflect some sort of synthesis of the inside of my head and my surroundings as I perceive them? Do I work on altering my perception so it suits my aesthetics better? Do I make more efforts to change my actual surroundings? Go somewhere else when wherever I am disappoints me?

My surroundings often lose their aura the same way my clothes do. I love my home city, and I think my university is beautiful whenever I stop and look at it (cloudy days help--it's a moody place. The sun makes everything look the same, the clouds complement and expose the beauty in the buildings.) Traveling helps, especially when I'm awake enough to take everything in and I'm not freezing my ass off. Maybe that's the trick--keep moving so everything stays fresh. And even if I wear the same outfit for a month, it becomes my adventuring outfit and therefore inherently appealing (and that's starting from an already appealing baseline since if I'm going to be wearing it for so many days in a row, it had better be pretty awesome to begin with.)

Or maybe winter is the culprit here. I'm coming to despise tights--they feel like too many layers under bloomers, a petticoat, a skirt, and a shirt. Even my velvet blazer becomes unappealing when it's shoved between a sweater and my winter coat. I apparently have an optimum layer level--no layers and it feels boring, too many layers and it feels bulky as well as boring since everything is hidden under my coat (which I generally don't take off unless I'm at home.) To be happy, I need no more than two inner layers and one outer layer that I can wear in a way that exposes the inner layers. It's a shame, because the outside world looks beautiful with the snow.

The truth is my wardrobe doesn't need that many pieces as long as they all look good together. I've got most of what I need right now even though I've still got so many ideas. Part of me wants to keep experimenting, but that costs money and takes up space, and in order to disentangle myself from the Monster I need to stop using money for so many things. Easiest place to start there is with the things I do for fun. And even if money weren't a concern, I grow more and more uncomfortable with owning stuff I don't use regularly. Objects are burdensome to me, and clothes I don't wear often are no exception.

But my brain won't quit. Although when I see people in casual but distinct and expressive outfits who look fantastic in them, it gives me hope. Not hope that I'll be like them (because really their clothes aren't that different from mine and I'd rather be me anyway), but that I'll find a way to adjust my headspace so that I won't get bored wearing such outfits because I'll find such fascinating things to obsess over that I won't have any energy left for getting fed up with clothes.