"Politically Correct"

I find "political correctness" troublesome for several reasons. I think part of why the idea gets so thoroughly rejected by some people is rooted in privilege. But maybe not all. Another problem with political correctness is that I think it sometimes gets thoughtlessly applied--someone says "don't say [insert word here] because it offends [insert minority here]" and leaves it at that. Sometimes they understand why what they're saying is a reasonable request and assume any remotely respectful person would think the same, but it's also possible that they're parroting what they've been told not to say in order to appease others without really pausing to think about why it hurts some people to hear such language and how they can improve their own use of language without degrading it.

Another thing that might not be thoroughly considered enough is that some words are more hurtful than others. I think here that lack of emphasis may be justified--just because one word hurts more than another doesn't mean that they aren't both painful to hear and disrespectful to use. But when you equate saying a more commonly accepted word like "stupid" with politically loaded racial slurs, you lose credibility to people who are privileged enough to be skeptical of how much their every day use of language can really convey a sense of disrespect to the ears of less (or differently) privileged people.

Which brings me to another reason why the term "politically correct" makes me pause. It's not just a matter of politics--it's a matter of respect. Just because you don't face the lack of understanding and the societal bullshit other people face for being part of a minority doesn't mean the words aren't hurtful. Using slurs and turning words that apply to minorities into slurs isn't just politically repulsive--it's flat-out disrespectful, especially when you've been told that those words are harmful. And all that aside, if you're not a politican or a business trying to appeal to as many people as possible so they'll give you their votes and/or money, it seems odd that you should even care about being "politically correct". The term itself de-emphasizes the behavior's importance.

And it is important. I don't mean that we should completely strike certain words from our lexicon--they have historical importance, if nothing else--but the language we use does make a difference. It's a subtle difference influenced by thousands of tiny implications coming from the connotations and the associations carried by the specific words we choose to use. Even things you think are innocuous (whether you use "gay" to mean "stupid" when you really mean "ignorant" or "inconsiderate" or "disagreeable" or say "men and women" when you mean "people") send out little flags about what kind of person you are. Most people think of themselves as respectful (or at least, respectful when they think someone deserves their respect). They won't usually tell you if they're misreading you or they think you're in some way inferior to them because of some trivial quality you have no control over. Sometimes they don't consciously realize it themselves. So we have to recognize the signs in the everyday language they use without thinking too hard.

That doesn't mean I think everyone I hear saying "men and women" when they mean "people" is a horrible person. I don't hear that and automatically jump to "this person is a binarist asshat who has no respect for me whatsoever." What I do hear is "this is probably a person who is misreading me, or at least misreads other people like me until they are corrected". I get the impression that you don't and maybe won't ever understand who I really am, or that I am not an anomaly. I fear that if I tried to help you understand, you would disrespect me by dismissing those efforts. If you aren't family or a close friend or someone I admire very much otherwise, I may decide that the effort and the risks aren't worth it and I don't want to get any closer to you than necessary.

I'm not silently judging you unless you say something genuinely nasty (in which case, I might also not be silently judging you). I'm not even claiming that my use of language is perfect--it took some growing up and personal realizations on my part to come to the understanding of language usage that I have now. I used to scoff at the idea of "political correctness" like many other privileged, irreverant people who mean no harm but can't get past their own privilege and see how their use of language can impact people. I'm still working to improve my own language usage, and I know that relentlessly policing the language of others is irritating and potentially counterproductive. But when I stop and think about it, it still saddens me to see the notion of using respectful language carrying the stigma that it does.