HOORAY FOOD

Ever since I got back from the U.K. I've been inspired by the times I had afternoon tea there to cook more. Buying the necessary equipment to do this in Berlin would've been inconvenient and overly expensive (since I would've had to leave everything I bought there), so I haven't gotten around to it until now.

So far, the only new thing I've tried making is scones, which I've developed a strong appetite for (though I've only made plain ones so far. I think I'll try adding raisins next.) They're surprisingly easy to make, and very filling (the recipe is here if you're interested.) I made my first batch for a pair of visiting friends.

Another first from last Friday was my first actual lolita outfit 8D. I ordered a petticoat last winter but had it shipped to my parents' address to save money, so I haven't been able to wear it until now. It really turned out to be the last thing I needed, since it fits well under two skirts I already own (though I've still got an additional jumperskirt in the works. As for when that will be finished... well. It certainly won't be next week, and after that I start a new semester at my university. We shall see.) Over the past several years I've been keeping an eye out for loliable clothes (especially blouses) and accessories, and now that I have a suitable petticoat the effort has paid off nicely.

On Sunday, I'll be spending about nine hours in a car traveling to Missouri, for which I'll also be doing some baking (muffins for sure, scones are a maybe. I'm running dangerously low on strawberry preserves, but maybe if I add the raisins that time they'll be good enough by themselves.) I think the next thing I'll try will be matcha madeleines (once I acquire a mold for them.) Of course, none of this is nutritious lunch food.

Now that I'll be spending whole days on campus without an opportunity to go home again (hooray suburbs XP,) I also need figure out what to bring with me so my stomach doesn't start trying to devour itself while I go about my schoolwork. I mostly solved this problem sophomore year by making cereal bars with lots of peanut butter and whole wheat cereal, but I got pretty sick of eating them every day even if they were tasty. I may go back to making muffins, but muffins alone will not be enough. I foresee lots of hummus and pita bread o__o. Or at least, until I get sick of that again, too.

Update

Hi o______o. It's been awhile. I haven't been posting because I was busy moving back to Minnesota from Berlin. The move back was a lot less stressful than the move there, although I was working on a paper up until the very last full day I was there in between packing, cleaning, and doing paperwork. I didn't get much sleep, but that somehow wasn't too much of a problem. I didn't even get sick like I did after I lost two nights of sleep on my way to Berlin last September =D.

One advantageous side effect of having been away from most of my stuff for so long is that it's become really easy to get rid of things. I've been meaning to get rid of pretty much everything except the clothes I wear the most, a few old toys, and my books/CDs/DVDs for awhile, but some of the things that I really liked as a teenager were hard to part with. Not so anymore. So I've been rushing to get rid of things I don't actually want before I get used to having them again. After this round of purging it's looking like I might actually feel like the amount of stuff I've accumulated is under control, which isn't a feeling I can recall experiencing before now. A lot of stuff is going to the thrift store, but I should be able to sell some of it, and I'm hoping I'll be able to make enough money to pay for Christmas presents and pre-registration to Anime Detour.

Right now I'm also catching up on the comic series I wasn't reading in Berlin. But more importantly, I have access to my mom's sewing machine again, so I've started working on a black jumperskirt. I'm hoping to have that done in the next two weeks, and I've also got plans to make a blouse and a pair of short pants if I have enough fabric. But we'll see.

So far I haven't been here long enough to get sick of Minnesota. Minneapolis and St. Paul are still slightly novel to me, and I'm keeping myself busy with reading and sewing, so I'm not missing Berlin too badly. That may change once the new semester starts in September. All I can do is wait and find out.

I'm hoping I'll manage to post regularly for the next two weeks in spite of the distractions. The last week in August I will be traveling again, so there will probably be no posts then, but I will be back after Labor Day (first Monday of September if you're outside the US). Hope your summer is going well!

Uplifting Things #7: Lucifer in pop culture and literature

Dear Mr. Adversary,

Did we make you what you are or did you make us? Or help, at least. Irrelevant. I think it must be the latter. You're supposed to be evil, but how could someone so beautiful really be evil? It's unclear what you've even done to deserve your reputation. Although that could be part of why you deserve your reputation.

Besides, you wouldn't be nearly so alluring if you hadn't gotten chucked out of the pretty cloudy place with the angels and stuff. No one writes epics with Michael as the hero, or at least not last I checked...

Since I'm finishing up a paper for a class focusing on Paradise Lost, I haven't been able to get Lucifer/Satan out of my mind. Why did I take a class on Paradise Lost, you ask? Because I kept seeing references to it all over the place in other works I enjoyed.

There's something oddly appealing about series that incorporate biblical mythology. I think part of the appeal is a sense of otherworldiness like what you get with some science fiction or fantasy, but minus the usual cliches. Maybe it seems even more based in reality when you grow up in a society where so many peoples' worldviews are rooted in Christianity (even if you yourself aren't Christian.) The mythology of heaven and angels can be exploited in a way that adds a lot of beauty to a series, and there's something to be said for hellish glamour, as well.

One series I've encountered that does this really well on a visual level is Angel Sanctuary by Kaori Yuki, which I've already written here about, but oh well. Of course, her character designs are pretty much always gorgeous, but the excuse to go crazy with wings certainly doesn't hurt. In addition, the story is original--she basically just appropriates angelic hierarchy and mythology to create the world it takes place in.

His Dark Materials is also an excellent series that simultaneously glorifies and omits the adversary. There is no actual devil (although Zaphania, Lord Asriel, and Mary seem to take on the infernal trinity of his roles in Paradise Lost as rebel angel, prince of "Hell", and tempter), but a postive interpretation of his attitude lives on in the characters and events of the story. Lyra's world is also extremely interesting in a vaguely steampunk way--it resembles our world very closely, and yet is different in enough ways that it's difficult to compare the two.

There's also the quasi-DC interpretation of Lucifer and heaven/hell that popped up in Sandman and continued in the spin-off Lucifer, which I thought did a good job making Lucifer a protagonist without making the reader any less wary of him or turning him into a hero.

And of course if you enjoy any of those titles (especially Lucifer and His Dark Materials), Paradise Lost itself is certainly worth a shot even if the syntax and language can be confusing. One of my favorite things about it is how the epic format seems to emphasize all sorts of contradictions that aren't quite as glaringly obvious in the biblical source material, such as showing Satan in more detail instead of basically just a force that influences humanity from the shadows--which means giving him some admirable qualities like courage and persistance, which results in him being appealing even though he's supposed to be the origin of all evil.

Lina

"So, Lina, is it true you never talk?"

Effeminate

I try to balance out my sex (which is the most likely suspect for why I impulsively speak with an annoyingly-high-pitched headvoice and why I'm so little and why my features are so rounded o__0) with things about my presentation I can control like my clothes, hair, and body language (to a degree). I suspect it works sometimes, but my voice seems to get read as female most of the time no matter what I look like, so no matter what strangers might be thinking I feel like I get read as female a lot. Which results in me being a touch paranoid about that and makes every "she" I hear in reference to myself hurt (versus every "he" making me want to grin.) Both of those readings are incorrect--it's not the genders themselves, it's that hearing "she" so often makes anything else feel like a small victory (of course, knowing that if someone does use "he" it's because the things about my appearance I have more control over have the biggest influence on their perception also helps.)

All that said, my taste in clothes--even on me--can be pretty fucking effeminate. I used to wear miniskirts and lipstick all the damn time, especially when I was 16 or 17. And I actually kind of miss that.

Part of why I don't dress that way so much anymore is because I've just become more fastidious about coordinating my outfits and the quality of my clothes--I got rid of my plaid miniskirt a long time ago because it was crappy Hot Topic quality, and I basically ruined my [heavily faded] black one after trying to re-dye it last summer. Which leaves me with a black-and-highlighter-orange cheerleader skirt (probably from my old high school before they switched from pleats to those pencil-skirty things.) I do not own anything else in highlighter orange, nor do I want to.

Meanwhile, I have more difficulty wearing longer skirts (knee length especially). Ditto for dresses even if they're minidresses, because they're always cut so I can't wear a binder with them and have it look decent. At first I like them, but by the end of the day they make me feel like a girl, which feels horribly wrong and makes me feel vulnerable and uncomfortable (ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with feeling like a girl if you actually identify as one or just like feeling like a girl, of course. I don't, so when I start to feel like one it creeps me the fuck out.) Maybe I won't feel this way when I wear a petticoat. I hope not. I liked the squaredance petticoat I used to wear as a skirt that I got rid of because the fabric around the waistband looked gross and the elastic was wearing out so I kept having to pull it up, at any rate.

I kind of want to start wearing eyeliner and lipstick again, too. I stopped doing that more because it was troublesome and I had enough difficulty making the bus on time in the morning (wheee commuting to the U for morning classes from the suburbs o_____o.) And most of what I have is either crappy quality or too old to use or both. So that's more of a practicality issue--I don't feel like I have the time, and I don't really have the money to buy more product right now, either. Can be worked around, though. I was fucking cute in lipstick most of the time, so it might even be worth it.

*re-reads above* And maybe--just maybe--if I put "fucking" in front of every feminine-connotated adjective I use to describe myself it'll ward off potential dysphoria from being read as female.

Feminism and Collapse

Every once in awhile in industrial collapse-related blog posts and comments, I notice something kind of creepy. There seems to be an attitude among some posters that feminism is some sort of frilly extra, like supermarkets with food shipped in from many miles away. Granted, I could be misreading this. Maybe I'm more sensitive to this sort of thing than they would expect people to be, so they don't feel a need to qualify their statements so they don't come off as oppressive types who think that what I do with my life should be somehow restricted based on what sex I am.

I'm lucky enough so that pretty much everyone I actually like/talk to is accepting of my gender and sexual orientation (this isn't anywhere near everyone who knows me because I hate having to correct people and explain myself.) And people who aren't accepting seem to prefer mentioning their feelings to my mom or my brother (which suits me just fine, though I don't think they like hearing that sort of thing anymore than I do.) Even so, I'm well aware that there are still people who aren't nearly so accepting in our midst, including in the area I live in (in the U.S., at any rate. I don't notice much prejudice against queer people in Berlin, but then again, I don't exactly broadcast my queerness here, either.) This hasn't stopped me from being straightforward about who I am so far, but all that really means is I'm more prepared to avoid certain people entirely and/or tell them where they can shove their silly ass-backward opinions than I am to pretend to be something I'm not.

Even if I don't face much immediate difficulty due to being queer, I am constantly aware that my nature comes off as a bit alien to a lot of people, which can potentially result in hostility if they see who I really am. I get reminded of this every time I hear someone make a wrong assumption about what pronouns to use when referring to me (though I do not take that by itself as a sign of hostility--just cluelessness resulting from societal conditioning that assumes people like me don't exist.) Even if I don't feel threatened, I am still very alert to potential threats.

Back to collapse. Hopefully I've made it clear why, say, some straight people's assumptions that when our communities become more geographically restricted due to lack of fuel, we will fall back on "traditional" ideals of marriage where such unions only apply to heterosexual couples alarms me. It seems to imply that we would also go back to shunning queer people. That does not have to be the case. But it is the most recent "tradition", and such traditions make for a horrifying reality.

I doubt that most people in the online collapse community are actively hostile towards queer people or women, even if the degree of hostility that crawled out of the woodwork after a snit between Dmitry Orlov and several feminists, including Gail Zawacki at the Age of Limits conference was kind of revolting. I don't think I disagree with either person's initial position--it seems like language and life experience got in the way of these two being able to see eye to eye. Gail appears to have been alarmed that the "societies that abide" that Dmitry mentioned hold people to different standards based on their sex, and couldn't make the assumption that Dmitry seemed to expect her to make--that these societies aren't perfect, but they're doing something that makes them extremely resilient, so we should look to them as examples if we want to build resilient communities that will survive industrial collapse and emulate what makes them so resilient (which doesn't have to include hostility towards people who don't conform to expected gender roles.)

The collapse community in general doesn't seem to concern itself much with current social politics--it's more concerned with the future, and how our actions now will affect that future. The mentality seems to be that when our long-term survival is at stake, social politics become irrelevant. This is sensible, and probably difficult to find fault with when one has enough social privilege so they don't have to worry about how people who don't conform to expected gender roles will be treated by a society that does not question them.

But sexism (be it in the form of misogyny, cissexism, heterosexism, or otherwise) hurts everyone to some degree and weakens our society by excluding people who could be leading productive, healthy lives and forcing people into roles that don't suit them. Our societies are not yet free of this spectre. In many communities, if people had to stop bothering with social politics today in order to focus on survival, the default that would probably win out would probably be closer to shunning anyone who doesn't conform to traditional gender roles where women are expected to have children and everyone is expected to marry someone of the other sex. And that is why we must continue to fight for the acceptance of queer people and the freedom for people of any sex to do what suits them in life regardless of gender roles, impending difficulties resulting from peak oil and climate change be damned.

Uplifting Things #6

[Eeep... it's Wednesday... I'm working on end-of-semester papers? ^^;]

Music Video: "I Can't Decide" by the Scissor Sisters

I first heard this song on Doctor Who, and I've found it's cheery tune and gruesome lyrics highly amusing ever since. I think this fan video is cute as hell and captures that sense of irony perfectly (especially with the little dance at the end XD).

Comics: Beyond the Beyond (Sono Mukou no Mukougawa) by WATANABE Yoshitomo

This series hits my adorable button like no other--it's a very cute series, without overly sweet or cutesy. The story feels fluffy at first, but it leaves more of an impact than you'd expect (think like Cardcaptor Sakura minus the ha--oops spoilers. The story itself isn't actually similar to CCS, just the genre.) There are, unfortunately, some rather less-than-uplifting circumstances regarding this manga--it's only been translated to English through the fifth volume (out of six, so not as bad as it could be but perhaps a bit more infuriating.) Tokyopop published the first four in English (and all six in German, which is the next best thing for English-speakers even if you don't speak German since it's still easier to read than Chinese or Japanese), and Chuang Yi has published the first five in Singapore (but shows no signs of releasing the sixth -__-.) English scans of the first five volumes can be found online.

Anyway. Read it for Virid's transformation from being a violent sociopath to Futaba's infatuated friend who will do anything to help him alone, if for no other reason.

Album: Boys Don't Cry by the Cure

The songs are bouncy and catchy without being sweet or cheery. A very early form of the Cure's unique quirkiness. Pleasant to listen to without it trying to be, with amusing lyrics. The ending to "Subway Song" is especially jarring lovely <3.

Film: Velvet Goldmine (Hulu/Youtube/if you can't access it either I'm sure you can find it elsewhere? I fucking hate it when corporations block access to things, especially when it differs by region DX.)

The costumes and glam rock songs alone are worth it, but the story and characters also manage to be memorable and intriguing. You basically get to piece together a disappeared rock star's life through the people who were most affected by him, including the journalist tracking these people down himself. But the gorgeous 70s decadence of it all is what makes it worth watching.

Places: The Uptown Theatre in Minneapolis

A prime example of what cinemas SHOULD be like. These days, we can get the big-screen, surround sound experience at home (provided we/someone we know has the cash. Still. Within the realm of possibility.) But for many of us, that isn't even all that necessary--we just want to watch the film, which we've been able to do in our own homes for AGES. So what's the point of going to a cinema? Being part of an audience and going someplace beautiful to watch what will (hopefully) be wonderfully entertaining, thereby turning a simple movie viewing into something a bit more theatrical and spectacular. The big chain multiplexes simply don't accomplish this. But the Uptown is one of the few remaining cinemas that does, with its murals and huge balcony and STAGE (perfect for Rocky Horror) and pretty lobbies (or at least pre-renovation... I'm eyeing the post-renovation photos warily, but will reserve full judgement until I've seen them in person). I haven't been in here since it got renovated, but I'm looking forward to returning.