Fashion Is Evil

But we love being evil so it's okay >D. (Don't worry, I'm using "evil" facetiously here. Unless that worries you.)

Or maybe I mean style. I think style is what I mean. Aesthetics, not trends. It pleases me ever so much, and yet it's also incredibly indulgent and rather impractical. I don't exactly shirk my responsibilities for fashion or anything like that. And I try not to support companies that use unjust means to produce their product like forcing their employees to work in dangerous/poorly-maintained surroundings (not to mention unreasonably long/frequent shifts) and using toxic chemicals in the production of the garments and killing/abusing animals. Not like I can afford to buy much of those new--better to buy everything used and wash my hands of the suffering that made the clothes I wear daily. They're clean if my money didn't go to the selfish assholes who only care about maximizing their profits, right?

Sometimes I feel like it's a bit frivolous to have so much clothing--like they're just more possessions weighing me down instead of things that genuinely make me happy, although they often really do improve my mood even if it's a piece I've had for years. But every once in awhile I start to forget that and contemplate purging my wardrobe to the point of refining it into a kind of killer black uniform full of black turtlenecks and boots. Then I think of how long it took to amass what I have and it seems like getting rid of it would be such a waste, even if I somehow managed to not miss it.

I do so love getting the details of an outfit coordinated just right, which of course takes a variety of garments and accessories so I can keep doing it over again. And I love the decadence. Really decadence is a symptom of everything that's wrong with industrial society--but the undead vampires and resin dollies of lolita and the gloriously hollow, glitter-encrusted creatures of '70s glam are so intoxicatingly pretty. And if you can make everything in your life pretty, why should anything else matter?

Kitchen Adventures

I'm finding that most things I eat normally have a vegan alternative (hooray treading a path tread by many conscientious internet users before me =D.) I've been tweaking some of my recipes and also trying out new ones, and here's where I'm at.

Muffins were pretty easy. I substitute canola oil for one egg and the apple sauce I use to flavor the muffins (this page has really been helpful for working around eggs in recipes), and since these are things I eat as fuel throughout the day when I'm at school instead of as a treat, I also use whole wheat flour instead of all-purpose flour, which also works out pretty well. Here's my recipe (as adapted from a Moosewood recipe):

Wet Ingredients:

3/4 cup Vegetable oil (1 cup if blueberry muffins)

3/4 cup Brown sugar

1/2 tsp Vanilla extract

Dry Ingredients:

2 cups Flour (unbleached all-purpose or whole wheat)

2 tsp Baking powder

1/2 tsp Salt

Dash (opt) Cinnamon

Special Ingredients:

1 3/4 cups Apple sauce or mashed banana

1 1/2 cups Nuts (and/or chocolate chips)

OR

1 1/2 cups Blueberries

1. Preheat at 350 F.

2. Mix wet ingredients together.

3. Gradually mix in dry ingredients.

4. Mix in fruit.

5. Mix in nuts.

6. Put cooking spray in muffin tin.

7. Put batter in muffin tin.

8. Put muffin tin in oven for ~19 minutes.

9. Remove and test done-ness with knife.

Another thing I adapted was the "vanishing" oatmeal cookies recipe on the inside of the lids on cans of Quaker oats:

1/2 cup (1 stick) + 6 tbsp. Butter*, softened

3/4 cup Firmly packed brown sugar

1/2 cup Granulated sugar

1/2 cup Vegetable oil

1 tsp. Vanilla

1 1/2 cup All-purpose flour

1 tsp. Baking soda

1 tsp. Ground cinnamon

1/2 tsp. Salt

3 cups Rolled oats

1 cup Raisins or chocolate chips (or some other kind of dried fruit, possibly chopped up)

1. Heat oven to 350 F (175 C). In large bowl, beat butter and sugars on medium speed of electric mixer until creamy.

2. Add vegetable oil and vanilla; beat well.

3. Add combined flour, baking soda, cinnamon and salt; mix well.

4. Add oats and raisins, mix well.

5. Drop dough by rounded tablespoonfuls onto ungreased cookie sheets.

6. Bake 8 to 10 actually more like 10-15 minutes or until light golden brown. Cool 1 minute on cookie sheets; remove to wire rack. Cool completely. Store tightly covered. Makes about 4 dozen cookies.

*and by butter I actually mean Earth Balance butter or some other kind of vegan substitute.

The scones took a few tries (I don't have a picture of them, unfortunately). I've been using this recipe, but they were turning out a bit denser without the cow milk. When I tried putting in almond paste (a by-product from making home-made almond milk) in place of the optional sultanas in the recipe, however, it worked out quite well. I also substituted canola oil for the egg wash (or you can just leave it off), Earth Balance buttery sticks for the butter, and almond milk for the cow milk.

That brings me to almond milk. You can totally get that at most grocery stores, but I've found I prefer the flavor (nuttier) and texture (smoother) of homemade almond milk, which is pretty simple to make (though a bit messy with my parents' food processor that barely holds the water and almonds this recipe calls for, and just time consuming enough that I don't always have time to make it as often as I'd like). You can flavor it yourself and alter the thickness--I haven't tried flavorings besides chocolate, mint, and vanilla yet with this, but if macarons can be made with almond flour and come in as many delicious flavors as they do, I figure more flavors than one might think could work with almond milk.

One thing that's really becoming apparent to me is how we treat dairy flavor as a neutral/default taste for products that call for milk, but that's not because it actually is, it's just what we're used to. That said, some options don't go so well with certain flavorings (*coughgreenteaflavoredcoconuticecreamcough*). But I figure that's like how people don't generally put tabasco sauce or pomegranate juice in milk (... right? o__o). Things like almond milk aren't a nutty substitute that doesn't quite taste like cow milk--they're just different options.

Not that I'll be able to persuade my family of that come Thanksgiving. If I want to eat, I'll actually have to do a lot of my own cooking this year (to share, of course, but I'm guessing it won't be too popular between the cow-milk mashed potatoes and turkey and cheesy things.) We'll see how that goes o__o.

On Names

The pratice of naming your child as an infant with the idea that they'll go by some form of that name their entire life is kind of absurd. Being trans and having been given a name that has very binary/female conotations at birth, my opinion of this practice is, of course, biased. But what happens to so many trans people here is only an extreme example.

What would happen if it were the social standard to name oneself once they were old enough? It seems like the names of people who do so in this society have names more specific to themselves since the factor of "but what if the other children tease them?" and just the general parental lack of knowledge of who the person being named are no longer issues. Not that we should just not give children names or call them all "[surname] number x" or something like that. Just that maybe the names given to babies shouldn't be regarded as permanent. Otherwise, you get adults with names that say more about their parents and a time period the individual barely remembers (if at all) than about the individual themself. Not to say there aren't plenty of people where birthnames suit them well--hell, the connotations of names can change depending on the individuals who carry them.

As for me, it's not like I hate my birth name. I works, the connotation of it is just misleading about who I am as an individual. I'm still figuring out how to deal with this. Right now, I have two spellings for my birth name--the legal one, and the vaguely-masculine-looking one that I put on homework and use with family and school. "Adryrn" was just a screen name at first, but it became a thing people actually called me when I started meeting up with people I first met online. Even so, it's an informal name--it'd be weird to see it on homework assignments, or even Facebook (let alone my drivers' license.) Even if I did change my name, I wouldn't want to take my birth name off my birth certificate--it's still something I used to go by. I can't make that un-happen, nor would I want to--it was just a different stage of my life. It's fine that I was a little girl with a girly name when I was younger--the problem is when people extend those qualities to who I am now.

So, I have two names--one for personal/informal situations, and one for legal/academic/family/business situations. The fun overlap-y bit of this is friends I made because of school (which is the majority of them, because my activites pretty much are my social life--I've just recently started to ask these people to call me "Adryrn", and I think I'll continue doing that when I hang out with people outside an academic context.) More complicated than I'd like it to be, but not impossibly confusing.

There is an upside to not going by my birthname--employers will have a very difficult time Googling me >D. It helps that there's a pretty well-known costume person with the same name. I can have my non-professional online presence and post pretty much whatever I want, largely without worrying about it biting me in the ass (of course, nothing you post online is private and can't be traced back to you--it's just more difficult for potential employers to do so.) The different names work nicely to keep my academic/professional and individual selves reasonably separate in this digital era. So I guess having a wonky birth name has its perks even if I do make it more complicated than it needs to be.

I really do wonder what would happen if people had more freedom to name themselves, though (yeah, it's legally possible to do exactly what I'm talking about as long as you don't stick weird things like umlauts in your name, but the process looks like more of a pain in the ass than it should be). Or maybe just the idea that most people only have one name they keep their whole life should go away. Thoughts? Examples of cultures where this is the norm?

You are all toilet paper thieves! D8

I never really stopped and noticed before how the toilet paper is padlocked into the container in the bathrooms at Coffman Union. Reminds me of how easy it probably would've been to grab a few rolls out of the bin in the bathrooms at the Freie Universität Berlin's Rost- and Silberlaube. Never really seemed worth doing to me, though, even on the days when we were running short on toilet paper and I didn't want to stop and buy some on my way home. Running out the door with a roll or two of obviously-stolen toilet paper in hand would've at best looked really stupid, after all.

I can think of one other situation that parallels this one, although you can't really tell who didn't pay their fare on the U-bahn just by looking at them and U-bahn tickets cost more than toilet paper. Anyway, one of my favorite things about S- and U-bahn in Germany is that there are no turnstiles. It's more annoying than one might think to have to hunt around in one's pocket or bag for one's transit card (or worse, a little cardboard ticket, especially if you're in Paris where they get bent or lost easily 'cause they're so tiny), THEN figure out which turnstile to use (even if all it takes is a quick glance), and possibly grapple with a barred revolving door, and potentially deal with malfunctioning machines, all while you're trying to get somewhere. All in the name of making sure people who didn't pay don't get on. I never liked turnstiles much, and after living in Berlin for awhile I've grown to resent them.

Not that Berlin just lets people ride for free--every once in awhile, transit police sweep through the trains checking people's tickets. It happens very seldom (I could probably count the times I saw this happen in the ten months I was in Germany on one hand), and yet I've heard more than one person say it seems like it always happens to them on the one day they don't happen to have their ID on them, or bought the wrong ticket. Not to assert that there aren't plenty of "Schwarzfahrer" that might manage to get away with it all the time--I have no idea. But plenty of people do get caught, and the transit company doesn't seem to be losing money over the lack of turnstiles.

It seems like there's a sort of general tightfistedness in American culture (and probably plenty of other countries, too, it's just that American culture is the only one of them that I've experienced enough to really be able to say that sort of thing about it) that isn't present in German culture (or if it is and I didn't notice it, then it doesn't manifest itself in such blatant ways.) Our public facilities seem to go way out of their way to make sure that no one takes more advantage of them than they're meant to, to an extent that makes me wonder if they spend more money on precautions like turnstiles and padlocks and card readers than they would lose from the moochers these devices are put in place to ward off.

Even if the more precautious way is more economical, by how much? Is it really worth the inconvenience for the people who aren't looking to freeload (which I like to expect are a majority of people using these facilities)? Or perhaps it would be better to ask if giving everyone the impression that they're a bunch of dishonest hooligans out to rip anyone off that they can in the eyes of these institutions is really worth whatever economic benefit the padlocks and turnstiles provide. Seems excessively obsessive to me.

Hooray studying

I was on the verge of feeling like my information-absorbing stage was over. Ha. Hahahahaha. (I suppose I should stop and explain: I like to think most people go through their childhood and sometimes young adulthood mostly absorbing things, and then at some point they move on to being more productive that absorbant. Not that one should ever stop absorbing things. Still. Stupefyingly obvious yet over-simplified, I know, but ignore that for now, that's not my point.)

There is so fucking much out there that I still haven't read or listened to or otherwise absorbed. Not to mention places I haven't been, but with my current schedule and in the aftermath of returning from ten months on another continent travel hasn't been on my mind too much (with the exception of traveling for the purpose of seeing people rather than places.) I'm reading a lot of Shakespeare lately for a couple of my courses, which is good. I've been meaning to do that awhile (screams the complete Shakespeare collection I picked up from a high school library sale awhile back that totally isn't the expensive-and-probably-significantly-different-in-some-way collection required by my Shakespeare class but TOO DAMN BAD oops tangent sorry hi I resent having to buy textbooks why can't they just put everything we need online and do away with and/or circumvent the copyright laws preventing such action no damnit that is not what this post is about *headdesk*... that's better.)

I feel like I don't listen to enough music, for one. Or at least, not a wide enough variety. (Or enough, probably--listening to music uses up battery power faster and I don't want to bring my laptop charger with me to school because space in my bag is limited.) I have the internet at my fingertips, why do I not actually sit down and really listen to Tool or Fugazi or St Vincent or My Chemical Romance or Ministry or Skinny Puppy or other bands not to mention orchestral music--

Damnit. This was supposed to be a positive post. Anyway. The world itself is not only highly entertaining, but also full of entertaining stuff people made up that I'm totally missing out on. Actually, even more than usual wait no you're sick of hearing about my schedule/classes. Probably. At least I got copies of Pop Kids and Interview with the Vampire from the library and my graphic novel pile that I want to read first is only five six books tall? (Yes, I've never read the second above-mentioned book. Or anything else by Anne Rice. Do you see what I mean by not reading enough? 8D)

Um. I think I'll just stop here. Maybe my mental flailing will be perversely entertaining to someone somewhere somewhen. At any rate, I give you... the mentality behind me not posting for weeks at a time! *turns up music and ponders doing more homework before they have to do it during ought-to-be-sleeping time totally did do that homework during time they should've been sleeping but oh well*

Civilization

There's been this fun dichotomy in how people see civilization and nature as two totally separate or even opposing things. Or how they think we're removed from nature, or that our industrial society is this horrendously unnatural creation.

Life eats itself to survive in this world, and humans are no exception. (Here comes that bit where some omnivores use what I just mentioned to justify their eating habits--that's not what I want to do here.) I just want to remind myself and anyone else reading this that we can't escape the cannibalistic side of the nature of life (if you'll excuse my liberal application of that word)--we must kill things or starve, and most of those organisms we kill at least relied on eating dead things to survive, if they didn't also actively kill things. It's not just our treatment of animals (though that is where it's particularly apparent if you stop and look), it's in all of agriculture and in the very fabric of the economic practices and attitudes that are driving the destruction of the environmental conditions conducive to human life (be it capitalism or communism or something like socialism with the capacity for all the downsides of both of those systems =D.)

We use people whenever we can. Just because we don't actually eat them doesn't mean the system isn't naturally inclined to devour them in order to expand itself if it gets a chance. We tell ourselves this is fair, and maybe we think it's fair because it seems unavoidable (even if it happens very disproportionately more often to some groups of people than others.) And maybe it is to some degree--the phrase "life is hard" is hackneyed for a reason. But devouring animals (human and non) on the massive scale we do is not something I can accept as completely unavoidable.

(Not to imply that I'm some sort of activist or something, or even that I avoid such practices as much as is humanly possible. I'm far too self-centered for that, though I do put some effort into getting close to the latter. Anyway, when I say avoid I mean personally avoid perpetuating, not actively fight the existance of.)

But just because it's atrocious doesn't mean it's not natural. The similarities between our industrial economy and the life/death cycle of other organisms are pretty surprising to me given the attitude we have toward said economy (not to mention civilization in general.) It's an expectable extension of the same instincts and practices that keep other less diabolically clever animals alive.

That doesn't make it right, of course. Nature is ruthlessly pragmatic--if it works, it goes, regardless of how much suffering comes with it. I suppose I should feel lucky that eating our young is unconducive to the continuation of our genes, and that devouring the weak in a literal sense never quite caught on.

Somehow, someway, being able to think of how our actions affect other beings even when they benefit us as individuals and care whether others suffer managed to be so conducive (or at least not in conflict with) our surivial that we can do it to the degree we're capable of. This is an ability that must be put to use, no matter how contrary it may be to the nature of the perpetuation of life in this world.

 [I'll try to post something more positive on Thursday? ^^;]

Long-lived Dead Things

[Wait what what happened to October oh shit it's already half over 0__0.]

Part three or four or something of the apparently ongoing obsession with being a responsible consumer. Fair warning if you're getting bored with that =D. 

So I just ditched this mindset where I didn't pay attention to how leather is obviously made of dead animals and helps perpetuate the idea that killing things to make clothes you don't need to survive is okay. And now a good chunk of the stuff I use almost literally every day contributes to this societal concept for everyone who sees me.

I had good intentions. I swear. And most of my leather (except for the pyramid-stud belt and the o-ring collar... and the gloves...) was bought secondhand, so it's not like I've supported the leather industry much directly. I tended to specifically look for real leather and avoid manmade substitutes because I wanted things that would last so I wouldn't have to buy more or generate as much waste (most imitation leather that I've come across is cheapass crap that falls apart faster than you can say "meat is murder." And the good quality stuff is not something that seems to pop up used very often.)

So by buying secondhand leather I was taking things out of the waste stream, and decreasing my own future garbage (in theory, at least--*coughleatherbootswithcheapasssplittingsolescoughcough*). I also think that the leather products already in existance should be used. The idea of something some creature had to suffer and die for the production of getting burned or buried or otherwise squandered is kind of awful (as you've probably already heard from me >__>). At the same time, I have a rather unpopular ethical agenda I should probably at least not blatantly contradict every time I go to class.

I do want to get rid of my jackets, gloves, and belts at some point. Those are all in good shape and pretty versatile/awesome-looking in general, so I'm sure they'll find good homes with stubborn omnivores whenever I'm able to replace them. My shoes and book bag, on the other hand, are already a tad ragged, especially the shoes. They've got years of life left in them, especially with repair. But I worry that they'd get chucked if I donated them and that they wouldn't sell on eBay. They'd also be very expensive to replace, and they both have some sentimental value--the shoes have been to all kinds of amazing places with me, and the bag came from a Paris flea market after years of coveting such a bag but not being able to find one at a price I could afford.

I'm thinking I'll get a new pair of default shoes to replace the current pair as soon as I can afford it (I already have my eye on a certain pair) and use my current pair as a back-up for when I go somewhere muddy or do something messy. I don't know yet about the bag. I don't like the look of most fabric laptop bags--they have too much of a clunky utilitarian vibe to them. I'm thinking a canvas bag like the one I was using before would be nice, but the trouble with that is I require a briefcase handle, which most decent-looking canvas bags (including mine) don't seem to have.

At any rate, I'll just have to live with my choices for now. It'll help keep me from forgetting that I used to eat animals, I guess.